I know there may be others. I saw Jason Schwartzman while I was on my lunch break today. He was ridiculously shaggy and wearing ridiculously huge sunglasses. Also, he's ridiculously short.

It's all part of this thrill-a-minute ride known as New York City.

'Cause I got this thing for you. I have just learned that, in Israel, orthodox women learn how to crochet so they can make kepot to attract men. I have never heard of a more ridiculous way to entice a man than by crocheting him a frigging kepah.

Orthodox Judaism: I still don't get it.

I'll show you heaven. I think Tom has mastered the art of shaking me back to reality. Either that or he's a terrible sycophant. Either way, I'm pleased.

"You are beautiful and funny and you have a lop-eared dog. These are not things the universe bestows on the despised."

That's what you do, baby. This is what I've learned after three days on the job: Working is for chumps. I am now pursuing my new career path--marrying rich.

You don't know where and you don't know when. This is my final half-hour at the Bank, and I'm a little sad to go, a little nervous about the future, but also really happy that I won't have to spend my days bored out of my mind (that's the dream, anyway). I give you an Ode to the Bank haiku:

Bank so fine and clean
No more envelopes to stuff
Thank the Lord I'm out

I wish I could look back on this whole finding-a-job process and think, "Gee, that was easy," but it wasn't. It was hard, painful, and full of extended periods of crushing self-doubt. But what's interesting to me is that there is not some amazing, sunrise-like moment of brilliancy accompanying this transition. Tomorrow I will rise early, dress, and take the train to my new job. I am hoping that it will be fantastic, but it might not be. I am open to the possibility of magic.

So this is the New Year, and I don't feel any different. Ohmgee, how much do I love Natalie?



Thiiiiiiiiiiiiis much!