The girl with khaleidescope eyes. I admit, one of the only reasons I read amNewYork is for the celebrity gossip. It's way better than the New York Metro (Incidently, I met the one and only staff reporter for the Metro at one of Chuck Schumer's infamous Sunday press conferences last summer. He's a nice guy; I think he hit on me. Whatever). Case in point, this is a frigging hysterical piece of trivial news that kept me laughing for a good long while:

Wintour Gets Pied, Again, By Activists

Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour was hit with a pie this weekend by anti-fur demonstrators as she attended Paris fashion week. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' vice president Dan Mathews said the pie--a vegetarian tofu tart--was retaliation for the magazine's decision to run fur ads while refusing to use PETA's anti-fur messages, though the animal rights group offered to pay the same fee. Wintour was hit with the tart while she waited to see the Chloe fashion show Saturday in Paris. It was the second time in a year that PETA has hit her with a pie.

I understand why Vogue would refuse the PETA ads; a political stance such as this would alienate their advertisers and the subjects of their articles. You can't militantly hate fur and interview Dior about his rabbit fur-trimmed sweaters or whatever. It doesn't work. Second, what the fuck is PETA's problem? Throwing vegetarian tofu pies at people? Twice? What in the hell? I mean, I'm something of an idealist and can be passionate about my causes, but even I think throwing a fucking pie at someone is ridiculous! This sort of behavior doesn't help their cause; it only makes them look like a bunch of crazy nutjobs. PETA's reputation was pretty tarnished after that "no one likes fur trim" anti-pubic hair ad campaign a while back; I don't see how throwing pies at media giants is going to make them look any better or attract people to their cause. If anything, it kind of makes me want to wear fur just to piss them off.

I've got my freaks to the West. I've said it before, I'll say it again. I have the best fucking friends in the entire fucking universe. Check out what Veggie made me and actually sent to me, like with a stamp and everything.



Yes, love is post-mail. Definitely.

In other news, I have this free download at iTunes that's going to expire October 15, and I can't use it because my step-mom is territorial and uninstalled all my iPod software from her computer. So, if anyone out there would like it, let me know. I'm sure we can work out some sort of exchange.

No sleep tonight. I overhear or am told the most ridiculous shit at this job. I know that one of my co-workers swings both ways, that another's ex-boyfriend was electrocuted, and that another has severe gas resulting from her pregnancy. Currently, several of my co-workers are discussing whether a certain actress appeared in Playboy or Maxxim, which has lead to a discussion of painted-on clothing and some other things I will not transcribe here because this is a family blog, damnit.

This shit is bananas. I just completed a 15-page copy editing and proofreading test for Simon & Schuster. I spent a good part of my evening in the public library with a copy of the 15th edition of the Chicago Style Manual. I did all this because, even though other candidates had a week to do their test, I had less than 24 hours because she wants to make a decision quickly.

Why do I do this? The odds are firmly against them hiring me.

Here's the truth. I am not special. There are a million, flabby girls wearing trendy shoes who've just graduated from college and who want to go into publishing. They can either copy edit well or their parents help them with the test. Donning pearls and enthusiasm does not make me special. I am not a rare, skilled worker. I am not a sought-after commodity. I am not even an easily-replaceable cog in a wheel because the motherfucking wheel doesn't want me.

I am so tired of interviewing. I am tired of getting revved up and walking around in these attractive yet painful shoes to impress a bunch of people who really couldn't care less. I am tired of jumping when they say jump, of worrying and waiting and wanting only to hit another dead end. I am tired of sending out resumes which get lost in e-mail overflow. I am so fucking tired.

I am not saying all this because I legitimately think that I'm shit. I'm just tired of feeling so pointless and unimportant. Why am I fighting so fucking hard to break into a world which clearly doesn't want me?

I will not be afraid of women. I'm not usually one to criticize PBS, but two things happened last night that really startled me. First, "Nova" chronicled the discovery of a sunken Japanese battleship from World War II. Every time a Japanese historian or eye witness spoke, they dubbed the translation using the most horrendously stereotypical Japanese-speaking-English voice possible. At one point, my dad started quoting Godzilla it was so bad. I don't understand why it was necessary to have stereotypically ethnic voices represent that ethnic background. I certainly wouldn't have been offended if someone with a British accent dubbed a Japanese translation. In the wake of Katrina, I find myself saying "That's so racist!" much more than I used to. I'll leave it to you to decide if that's a good thing.

After "Nova," "Frontline" explored the 10 year anniversary of the O.J. Simpson verdict and its affects on the judicial system. The documentary itself was fascinating, but at a few points during it, the director showed a discussion at Georgetown Law School, where the case is still debated. Every person who spoke was a white man. This could mean one of two things: 1) The director only used what the men said or 2) Women don't participate at Georgetown Law School. Think about the gender bias implicit in either of those options. All I have to say is up with women's education, down with patriarchy, and fuck you for silencing my sex.

I want somebody who sees me. I think today was the first time in years I actually got anything out of synagogue.

The Rosh Hashanah Haftarah portion discusses Hannah's silent yet fervent prayer for children. She is constantly taunted by her rival, her husband's other wife Peninnah, because Peninnah has two sons while Hannah has none. In the machsor's commentary, the rabbis and scholars focus on Hannah's prayer and the interpretation of her actions. But what no one seems to notice is that Hannah needs to bear a son to obtain socio-political standing within the community. She is part of a polygamous society where the birth of a male son equals security. Why don't any scholars talk about that?

What I do like, however, is that there is the possibility for discussion. All of our texts are allegories, and we are supposed to interpret and contemplate them. The rabbi talked about Adam's reaction after Cain's trial for killing his brother. Because Cain owned up to his sin by repenting, he was awarded clemency. Adam didn't do this. Adam could not say "Hineni"--Here I am. This is what Abraham says when he is called upon to sacrifice Isaac, and it is what Cain does when he repents. It is our obligation to follow Teshuvah, to say Hineni. And what does Hineni mean? What does it mean to say, "Here I am?"

I don't want to spend too much more time philosophizing on this. I don't want to take myself so seriously as to actually think I have an answer for any of these questions. But these thoughts make me go to a quiet place where it's just me, and I am humbled by the universe.

Joy to the fishies in the deep blue sea. In my office, there's an area known as The Fishbowl. It's a large, square area surrounded by cubicle walls with windows in the walls, so that, when walking to the coffee machine, you can stare at the six people who work in it. Hence the name The Fishbowl. Well, there is not a day that goes by when The Fishbowl does not have some sort of food for everyone. At least once a week, there are bagels, and more often than not, there are munchkins, cookies, fruit, and various grease-stained pastry boxes bearing who knows what. I wonder if you did a health survey of the office, would The Fishbowl occupants have a high rate of diabetes or obesity than other sections of the office? And would there be a radius of diabetes and obesity incidents radiating out from The Fishbowl?

These are the things I think about when I'm at work. Hence the reason I desperately need to find a different job.

You're gonna make it after all. Alright, this rant is going to make me sound whiny and bitter, but I don't care. Has anyone else noticed that damned annoying Chase commercial with the "cute" (i.e. dirty blonde, flat-chested and fugly) girl who gets her first pay check and runs around like Mary Tyler Moore with a worse wardrobe? She sticks it to her friends by buying them all lunch, she has a fabulous apartment, and she makes out with her generically good-looking boyfriend outside the movies.

I fucking hate her.

And, no, I didn't get the job, which is not as big a deal as it might seem because I have another interview Wednesday. I am just grumpy because work is boring and my brain falls asleep sitting in this damn office five hours a day. So, fine, I am a grump. But I am a hot grump.

Like whores, us all. It's not often that I disagree with Dan Savage...or ever, actually...but this time I gotta contradict his reasoning. He quotes E.J. Graff, currently the Brandeis Women's Studies Research Center resident scholar.

"Once upon a time, the West had a 'traditional' marriage philosophy." The husband owned his wife, whatever children she bore him—you know the drill. But capitalism eventually came along—thank God!—and freed us from those confining sex roles.

Actually, I believe Elizabeth Cady Stanton had a lot to do with this. But, you know, whatever.

"Each of us now has to make a living independently, based on individual talents and efforts rather than traditional roles. Over time, this led to gender equality in both the job market and the marriage market. Between 1850 and 1970, every developed country struck down its sex-based rules, both in labor (i.e., women can be plumbers and legislators) and in marriage (i.e., married women can own property, hold jobs without hubby's permission, have custody of children, and even—gasp!—say no in bed). The result: Gender equality is today's governing public philosophy, in marriage and in much else. For 150 years, courts and legislatures have changed marriage law to fit this philosophy, under which same-sex couples fit just fine."

For one thing, I don't know where this person got the whole "gender equality is today's governing public philosophy" line, because I must have missed that memo. In most states, and correct me if I'm wrong (and I mean correct me with legitimate statistics, not your opinion or something you read in Newsweek), it is not considered possible for a husband to rape his wife--or at least it's next to impossible to convict a husband for raping his wife. Women are still underrepresented in top jobs and payed less for the same work performed by their male coworkers. Women are often excluded from professions deemed masculine; it's still rare for a woman to be able to fight in the army in direct combat situations.

Furthermore, where did this notion of capitalism created equity between the sexes come from? Is this person completely rejecting years of Marxist Feminist philosophy--which I don't completely agree with, but it still makes some valid points? Did Graff completely miss the entire set of theory which discusses how the rise of capitalism and the subsequent separate spheres of influence completely voided the worth of what women contributed to family? Capitalism undervalues traditional women's work (e.g. child care and housework) because such work does not have a precise monetary value. So, I have to say, where in the heck did Graff come up with this? I could dig out my Women and Gender in America notes and continue, but I think I've made my point.

I should note that I was told by my WOST advisor that Brandeis has a suck Women's Studies department. Maybe that explains it.

Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping in. I couldn't fall asleep last night, and I overslept today. Hovering somewhere between sleep and awake after hitting the snooze button for the sixth time, I had a sort of half dream. In the dream, a voice said something to the effect of, "I have have made bad choices and good choices, but it doesn't matter because I am making good choices now. I regret nothing."

What's going on in my subconscious?

I'm heaven sent.

From "Ten Years On" in The Alchemist, which never fails to make me cry:

We who fight for our dream, suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey. Then, we warriors of light must be prepared to have patience in difficult times and to know the Universe is conspiring in our favor, even though we may not understand how.

I ask myself: are defeats necessary?

Well, necessary or not, they happen. When we first begin fighting for our dream, we have no experience and make many mistakes. The secret of life, though, is to fall seven times and to get up eight times.

So, why is it so important to live our personal calling if we are only going to suffer more than other people?

Because, once we have overcome the defeats--and we always do--we are filled by a greater sense of euphoria and confidence....

If you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.

From The Alchemist, which defines it all:

There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's your mission on earth....And when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

So says I. There's a J-date billboard in Times Square. I couldn't stop laughing when I saw it. After I explained what the match-making site was to my dad, he said, "Oh, I was wondering why everyone had a big nose and was vaguely Semitic-looking."

We were ment to be as one. Because of the events of the day, it is now time to pay tribute to my very own Wombat from Luxembourg.

He is a man who can cheer me up when I'm down:

Go for it girl u can get a wonderful job, since u are b-r-i-l-l-i-a-n-t!

A man who quotes Shakespeare to me on the value of our friendship:

Shakespeare Sonnet 116.
'Let me not the marriage of true minds admit impediments,
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds,
Nor bends with the remover to remove...'

And, most importantly, a man who sends me pictures of his underwear so that I can help him impress the ladies.



For these reasons, and so many others, I salute my Raoul. Cheers!

Une fleur m'inspire. I just got my photos from my family trip to France developed. Yes, this was a trip I took in June, and yes I am lazy and didn't get my photos developed until last week. Anyway, a few of them were really cool, and thanks to blogger's new feature where I can upload pictures to my blog from my computer without having to pay for the privilege, I can share them with you. You won't see any pictures of me (I learned my lesson about identifying information, thank you), but try to enjoy them anyway.



Here is some fabulous graffiti art I found in the Marais district in Paris.



This is the view out of my kitchen window in Paris. My dad rented us a penthouse on Avenue Emile Zola. That's right, I got to stare at the Tour Eiffel all day and all night. I even kept the curtains open while I showered so I could watch the light show (thank goodness for high windows).

That's not petty. Can you say fundraising genius? Let's raise money off the crazy mofos!

Here's how it works: You decide on the amount you would like to pledge for each protester (minimum 10 cents). When protesters show up on our sidewalks, Planned Parenthood Southeastern Pennsylvania will count and record their number each day from October 1 through November 30, 2005. We will place a signoutside the health center that tracks pledges and makes protesters fully aware that their actions are benefiting PPSP. At the end of the two-month campaign, we will send you an update on protest activities and a pledge reminder.

It's all in me. I have rethought my comments on this article and have come to a different conclusion.

This story is a classic example of non-news.

How can a sophomore in college speculate on what she will do in 15 years time? How many of these girls will actually get into law schoo? or get married? or have kids? This article is crap.

Granted, it's interesting that these chicks are so up with quitting the work force. That's definitely a head scratcher, and I think that the specialists they chatted with did a good job of explaining where that comes from (ahem, how do you spell gender bias?) But otherwise, I'm putting this article firmly in the "This is crap" section of journalism.

Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood By LOUISE STORY (NY Times, Sept. 20, 2005)

Cynthia Liu is precisely the kind of high achiever Yale wants: smart (1510 SAT), disciplined (4.0 grade point average), competitive (finalist in Texas oratory competition), musical (pianist), athletic (runner) and altruistic (hospital volunteer). And at the start of her sophomore year at Yale, Ms. Liu is full of ambition, planning to go to law school.

So will she join the long tradition of famous Ivy League graduates? Not likely. By the time she is 30, this accomplished 19-year-old expects to be a stay-at-home mom.

"My mother's always told me you can't be the best career woman and the best mother at the same time," Ms. Liu said matter-of-factly. "You always have to choose one over the other."

At Yale and other top colleges, women are being groomed to take their place in an ever more diverse professional elite. It is almost taken for granted that, just as they make up half the students at these institutions, they will move into leadership roles on an equal basis with their male classmates.

There is just one problem with this scenario: many of these women say that is not what they want.

Many women at the nation's most elite colleges say they have already decided that they will put aside their careers in favor of raising children. Though some of these students are not planning to have children and some hope to have a family and work full time, many others, like Ms. Liu, say they will happily play a traditional female role, with motherhood their main commitment.

Much attention has been focused on career women who leave the work force to rear children. What seems to be changing is that while many women in college two or three decades ago expected to have full-time careers, their daughters, while still in college, say they have already decided to suspend or end their careers when they have children.

"At the height of the women's movement and shortly thereafter, women were much more firm in their expectation that they could somehow combine full-time work with child rearing," said Cynthia E. Russett, a professor of American history who has taught at Yale since 1967. "The women today are, in effect, turning realistic."

Dr. Russett is among more than a dozen faculty members and administrators at the most exclusive institutions who have been on campus for decades and who said in interviews that they had noticed the changing attitude.

Many students say staying home is not a shocking idea among their friends. Shannon Flynn, an 18-year-old from Guilford, Conn., who is a freshman at Harvard, says many of her girlfriends do not want to work full time.

"Most probably do feel like me, maybe even tending toward wanting to not work at all," said Ms. Flynn, who plans to work part time after having children, though she is torn because she has worked so hard in school.

"Men really aren't put in that position," she said.

Uzezi Abugo, a freshman at the University of Pennsylvania who hopes to become a lawyer, says she, too, wants to be home with her children at least until they are in school.

"I've seen the difference between kids who did have their mother stay at home and kids who didn't, and it's kind of like an obvious difference when you look at it," said Ms. Abugo, whose mother, a nurse, stayed home until Ms. Abugo was in first grade.

While the changing attitudes are difficult to quantify, the shift emerges repeatedly in interviews with Ivy League students, including 138 freshman and senior females at Yale who replied to e-mail questions sent to members of two residential colleges over the last school year.

The interviews found that 85 of the students, or roughly 60 percent, said that when they had children, they planned to cut back on work or stop working entirely. About half of those women said they planned to work part time, and about half wanted to stop work for at least a few years.

Two of the women interviewed said they expected their husbands to stay home with the children while they pursued their careers. Two others said either they or their husbands would stay home, depending on whose career was furthest along.

The women said that pursuing a rigorous college education was worth the time and money because it would help position them to work in meaningful part-time jobs when their children are young or to attain good jobs when their children leave home.

In recent years, elite colleges have emphasized the important roles they expect their alumni - both men and women - to play in society.

For example, earlier this month, Shirley M. Tilghman, the president of Princeton University, welcomed new freshmen, saying: "The goal of a Princeton education is to prepare young men and women to take up positions of leadership in the 21st century. Of course, the word 'leadership' conjures up images of presidents and C.E.O.'s, but I want to stress that my idea of a leader is much broader than that."

She listed education, medicine and engineering as other areas where students could become leaders.

In an e-mail response to a question, Dr. Tilghman added: "There is nothing inconsistent with being a leader and a stay-at-home parent. Some women (and a handful of men) whom I have known who have done this have had a powerful impact on their communities."

Yet the likelihood that so many young women plan to opt out of high-powered careers presents a conundrum.

"It really does raise this question for all of us and for the country: when we work so hard to open academics and other opportunities for women, what kind of return do we expect to get for that?" said Marlyn McGrath Lewis, director of undergraduate admissions at Harvard, who served as dean for coeducation in the late 1970's and early 1980's.

It is a complicated issue and one that most schools have not addressed. The women they are counting on to lead society are likely to marry men who will make enough money to give them a real choice about whether to be full-time mothers, unlike those women who must work out of economic necessity.

It is less than clear what universities should, or could, do about it. For one, a person's expectations at age 18 are less than perfect predictors of their life choices 10 years later. And in any case, admissions officers are not likely to ask applicants whether they plan to become stay-at-home moms.

University officials said that success meant different things to different people and that universities were trying to broaden students' minds, not simply prepare them for jobs.

"What does concern me," said Peter Salovey, the dean of Yale College, "is that so few students seem to be able to think outside the box; so few students seem to be able to imagine a life for themselves that isn't constructed along traditional gender roles."

There is, of course, nothing new about women being more likely than men to stay home to rear children.

According to a 2000 survey of Yale alumni from the classes of 1979, 1984, 1989 and 1994, conducted by the Yale Office of Institutional Research, more men from each of those classes than women said that work was their primary activity - a gap that was small among alumni in their 20's but widened as women moved into their prime child-rearing years. Among the alumni surveyed who had reached their 40's, only 56 percent of the women still worked, compared with 90 percent of the men.

A 2005 study of comparable Yale alumni classes found that the pattern had not changed. Among the alumni who had reached their early 40's, just over half said work was their primary activity, compared with 90 percent of the men. Among the women who had reached their late 40's, some said they had returned to work, but the percentage of women working was still far behind the percentage of men.

A 2001 survey of Harvard Business School graduates found that 31 percent of the women from the classes of 1981, 1985 and 1991 who answered the survey worked only part time or on contract, and another 31 percent did not work at all, levels strikingly similar to the percentages of the Yale students interviewed who predicted they would stay at home or work part time in their 30's and 40's.

What seems new is that while many of their mothers expected to have hard-charging careers, then scaled back their professional plans only after having children, the women of this generation expect their careers to take second place to child rearing.

"It never occurred to me," Rebecca W. Bushnell, dean of the School of Arts and Sciences at the University of Pennsylvania, said about working versus raising children. "Thirty years ago when I was heading out, I guess I was just taking it one step at a time."

Dr. Bushnell said young women today, in contrast, are thinking and talking about part-time or flexible work options for when they have children. "People have a heightened awareness of trying to get the right balance between work and family."

Sarah Currie, a senior at Harvard, said many of the men in her American Family class last fall approved of women's plans to stay home with their children.

"A lot of the guys were like, 'I think that's really great,' " Ms. Currie said. "One of the guys was like, 'I think that's sexy.' Staying at home with your children isn't as polarizing of an issue as I envision it is for women who are in their 30's now."

For most of the young women who responded to e-mail questions, a major factor shaping their attitudes seemed to be their experience with their own mothers, about three out of five of whom did not work at all, took several years off or worked only part time.

"My stepmom's very proud of my choice because it makes her feel more valuable," said Kellie Zesch, a Texan who graduated from the University of North Carolina two years ago and who said that once she had children, she intended to stay home for at least five years and then consider working part time. "It justified it to her, that I don't look down on her for not having a career."

Similarly, students who are committed to full-time careers, without breaks, also cited their mothers as influences. Laura Sullivan, a sophomore at Yale who wants to be a lawyer, called her mother's choice to work full time the "greatest gift."

"She showed me what it meant to be an amazing mother and maintain a career," Ms. Sullivan said.

Some of these women's mothers, who said they did not think about these issues so early in their lives, said they were surprised to hear that their college-age daughters had already formed their plans.

Emily Lechner, one of Ms. Liu's roommates, hopes to stay home a few years, then work part time as a lawyer once her children are in school.

Her mother, Carol, who once thought she would have a full-time career but gave it up when her children were born, was pleasantly surprised to hear that. "I do have this bias that the parents can do it best," she said. "I see a lot of women in their 30's who have full-time nannies, and I just question if their kids are getting the best."

For many feminists, it may come as a shock to hear how unbothered many young women at the nation's top schools are by the strictures of traditional roles.

"They are still thinking of this as a private issue; they're accepting it," said Laura Wexler, a professor of American studies and women's and gender studies at Yale. "Women have been given full-time working career opportunities and encouragement with no social changes to support it.

"I really believed 25 years ago," Dr. Wexler added, "that this would be solved by now."

Angie Ku, another of Ms. Liu's roommates who had a stay-at-home mom, talks nonchalantly about attending law or business school, having perhaps a 10-year career and then staying home with her children.

"Parents have such an influence on their children," Ms. Ku said. "I want to have that influence. Me!"

She said she did not mind if that limited her career potential.

"I'll have a career until I have two kids," she said. "It doesn't necessarily matter how far you get. It's kind of like the experience: I have tried what I wanted to do."

Ms. Ku added that she did not think it was a problem that women usually do most of the work raising kids.

"I accept things how they are," she said. "I don't mind the status quo. I don't see why I have to go against it."

After all, she added, those roles got her where she is.

"It worked so well for me," she said, "and I don't see in my life why it wouldn't work."

I Would die 4 U. Equal parts silly, funny, and in poor taste, this little gem reeks of MAD Magazine. Therefore, it is awesome.

I'm your zero. I don't know how long this will last, so quick. Google the word "failure" and see what comes up first on the list. It's a hoot!

Glory, glory, hallelujah Holy crap! What has happened to the media? It's like every major news organization suddenly woke up from their coma and realized they were journalists. Can you believe CNN, my former arch-nemesis for craptacular reporting (*cough* war mongers *cough*) actually threatened to sue the federal government because the feds didn't want them to broadcast pictures of the Katrina dead? Where the heck where you guys in Iraq when the government wouldn't let you broadcast photos of caskets upon caskets of dead soldiers? Did you suddenly grow a pair?

I don't know whether to respect the news media now for fighting back or hate them even more for not exercising the power they had all along.

Let's call the whole thing off. In all the post-Katrina "excitment," few have broached the question of whether New Orleans should be rebuilt. While I don't agree with thisSlate article entirely (the percentage of the population who are black or poor should not be a factor in deciding to rebuild, hotshot), the author makes a compelling argument. Those of you who saw the "Now with Dave Brancaccio" piece on PBS know that New Orleans is another example of American manifest destiny and the belief that we can control nature through technology. The fact is that, through levees, pumps and dams, we have ruined the ecology of the Gulf Coast, perhaps even paving the way for Katrina's destruction. Perhaps it would be best to keep the French Quarter and other tourist favorites as tribute to one of America's most vibrant cities and let nature reclaim what we tried to steal.

Words won't do it. Like many of you I'm sure, I've been watching the news all week in complete shock. I really have nothing to contribute to the discussion because, FOR ONCE, people in places of much higher power are saying exactly what I'm thinking. So I will sum up what I've been feeling while watching David Brooks on Jim Lehrer wag his impotent Republican finger at the lack of post-9/11-style leadership( don't make me point out the myriad reasons why his argumant is flawed); Bush mourn the loss of Trent Lott's house; and countless starving babies, rape victims, dead bodies, and justifiably furious survivors scream at TV cameras for help and restitution. In the words of Kanye West,

George Bush doesn’t care about black people.

As President, Bush is emblematic of a National Policy so inherently racist that thousands of people will die simply because they could not afford to evacuate with their wealthier, predominantly white neighbors. I hope that Senator Mary Landrieu does punch him. I hope that he personally has to dig a grave for every dead body resulting from his administration's ineptitude. I hope he and his cohorts suffer eternally (to use their own fascist Christian vocabulary against them) for slashing the levee maintenace budget, for hiring a political hack to run FEMA, for articulating a terrorism-centric national defense plan, for ignoring sound social policy in favor of personal gain...for every ounce of anger and pain I and every person who turned on their television or opened their newspaper felt when they had to confront an America void of humanity, order, compassion, and decency. To paraphrase Jesse Jackson, Bush turned New Orleans into "the hull of a slave ship."

His truth is marching on. I realize that I am stealing a lot of stuff from the slog, but it is mandatory reading.

I think it is important to "support our troops" and to recognize that they are not unfeeling, unopinionated automatons who blindly follow the will of the Commander-in-Chief. Case in point, here's a blog entry from a soldier shortly after his return to Iraq from leave:

What the fuck has my chain of command been doing? We were winning somewhat when I left. And now we're being pinned down in our own fucking homes? Insurgents are pushing locals out of their homes and taking over my area at will? What kind of fucktarded plan have we been half-assedly executing? Obviously the kind that neglects sound contact with locals. Obviously the kind that gives further distance to unbridged gaps between soldiers and locals. Obviously the kind that has shown enough weakness when confronted by the insugency that it has been encouraged to grow.

Back home (the USA kind) I have no home, no job, and my commander in chief is on vacation (he's about 20 days behind Ronald Reagan right now in the race to become the most vacationing president ever. Hey W! we all got our fingers crossed! Here's to you and two more years of presidency...er vacationing!). Luckily pretty much everything that is important to me can fit into the back of a truck. Luckily I just paid off one of those.

His blog, One Foot in the Grave, no longer seems to be accessible. But the worst part about this is that he died two days after writing that August 13 entry. I'm sure that some Pat Robertson extremist cleric-type would claim this death as divine retribution for daring to contradict the will of the President, but, frankly, it's just sad.

It's the only way to live, in cars. Let me be succinct: Stop driving your gas-guzzling SUVs so that it doesn't cost me friggin' $35 for half a tank of gas! I'm going broke because Americans are selfish assholes who are obsessed with size and style over function and practicality.

And it's only going to get worse.

Boogie-woogie bugle boy of Company B. At first glance, it does look like the Blue is sucking it up, but I'm not sure my knee-jerk reaction stands up on closer inspection. Either way, it's an interesting comparison.

It's the end of the world as we know it. I realize that everyone is already aflutter over Pat Robertson's zeal for assasination, but I'm gonna jump on the band wagon just the same. Atrios and The Slog have some good discussions going about it. The award for Best Post-Robertson Embarassement Comment Made By Republican Congressmen goes to U.S. Senators Norm Coleman, Republican of Minnesota, and Mel Martinez, Republican of Florida, for calling Robertson's comments "incredibly stupid."

But back to Robertson himself, this guy is more fucked up than I thought. He not only blames gays and feminists for 9/11, blames gays for no-fault divorce laws, believes feminism is witchcraft, and recently said that liberal judges are a bigger threat to the United States than Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda. BUT, and this is my favorite, HE BELIEVES THAT GAY PRIDE PARADES WILL CAUSE EARTHQUAKES, TORNADOS AND POSSIBLY A METEOR!!!! I'm not kidding.

When the moon is in the seventh house. Here is my inane observation o' the day. I like that onanism is a classy word for masterbation. Language is awesome!

Also, go see "The 40 Year-Old Virgin." Best movie ending Ev.Er.

Shake it all up. To add to the list of ridiculous things I see while walking around Manhattan, on one of the lower tracks at Grand Central there are two posters right next to each other. One is for "Revelations," that creepy NBC apocalpyse show about a nun and Bill Pullman (Oh NBC, why do you have to abandon yourself to the Religious Right's siren call?) The other was for Harvey Fierstein starring in "Fiddler on the Roof."

If you don't see why I think that's funny, you officially don't have a sense of humor.

Hush. Shamelessly stolen from the slog:

Tired of the same old shoot-'em-up, mow-'em-down, rape-'em-to-death video games?

ABC News reports on the forthcoming wave of Jesus-friendly games, brainstormed during a recent conference of the Christian Game Developers Foundation.

"I think the majority of gamers out there just want to play a great game," said the group's leader Ralph Bagley. "They don't really necessarily need intestines hanging on a doorknob."

Among the non-intestinal offerings cited by ABC: The Bible Game, in which players race across the Red Sea to fight Goliath with a slingshot, and Catechumen, in which players use swords to convert Roman soldiers to Christianity to cries of "Hallelujah!"

Relatively harmless stuff, but if Christian game makers really want to compete in the marketplace, they're gonna have to amp the action quick. How about "Clinic Kaboom," where gamers blow up as many Planned Parenthoods as they can?

Full story here.

God bless the child that's got his own. Okay, I know I'm this big feminist and I majored in WOST, equal rights, etc. but I gotta say, being pretty is awesome! Today's example: I went to a gourmet deli to get a sandwich and the owner gave me a free iced coffee. I have no idea why. I told him I didn't want an iced coffee because I was trying to cut down on my caffeine, but he gave me one anyway. This isn't the first time this has happened. I've had people give me extra cookies or undercharge me for things just for being good looking. In these instances, my sense of moral outrage is diluted by my intense frugality. I'm telling you, you can go anywhere in this world by being attractive and personable. Up with inequality! It saves me money!

Everything in its right place. Is it existential drama? Is it inane rubbish? Make of it what you will.

Grunge: Somewhere out there are people with beer, chips, and pickles, and here I am at a rest stop alone with my doom.

I twitch and I salivate. So here is something I legitimately want feedback on, especially from all you Y-chromers out there. I'm thinking that TV and movies have lied to us. The days of simply meeting people in person are over. No one goes up to a random, attractive stranger and starts up a conversation. I'm starting to think that, aside from blind dates, online dating is the only way to meet someone. Of course, the drawbacks are that you walk into said relationship with the expectation that, at some point in the very near future, the two of you will be naked together. The other problem is you look at the person's profile and you start dreaming up what they might be like. But actually the person you're dreaming about is your fantasy mate, and you're just hoping said internet person matches your fantasy. You end up entering the whole thing with a set of expectations that you might not normally have if you met said cyber partner in person first.

So what do you think, cyber space? Has dating gone technological, or should I keep my faith in reality? Post thy thoughts below...

It feels like some sort of inspiration. Random things I saw yesterday while on my way here and there:

On my way to the bank, I was driving behind this old Camry whose back bumper was covered in stickers from these crazy death metal bands like Cannibal Corpse and Exhumed. All the band names had blood dripping off them. The best was Goat Whore, which actually depicted a woman entangled with a goat. I was quite amused.

At the Wachovia ATM stand in the Times Square Subway station, someone had removed the "via" part of the sign. I never wanted a camera phone so bad in my whole life.

I've been looking at rooms and such to sublet on Craig's List, and I found a post where this guy who wasn't in town much wanted three "young female roommates" to live in his apartment (he would sleep on the couch for the few days each month when he was in town), "escort" him to functions when he was in town, and... I can't paraphrase it. It's too funny:

In addition, also looking to have the little time in New York as fun as possible as I have no time for social life at all. Hopefully, roommates would be open to possible additional fun things while I'm around, such as occassional massage, walking around in lingerie, and just some minor enticements. I am not looking for sexual favors, just enticements that would make living in my apt. fun for that one week a month. Be as creative as possible as I will simply listen to offers.

For $200/month, it's not such a bad deal. Heh.

It's no good waiting for the sun. "There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their discomfort like a favorite shirt."

Am I complacent?

Gonna burn this goddamn house right down. Okay, okay, okay, wait a minute. I was looking for jobs at Bust (for those of you who don't know, Bust is an indie feminist magazine that should create a position just so I can work for them...but I digress), and I noticed that they have personals. I'm thinking, "Why in the crap does Bust have personals? Do men actually put themselves on Bust personals?" And shock of shocks, they do. How about that. So I start looking around for my feminist life partner when I notice that I AM TOO FAT FOR ALL OF THE MEN ON THIS DAMN SITE. Yes, these men want women 5'6"-5'11" weighing not more than 130 lbs. I haven't weighed 130 lbs. since middle school. I AM TOO FAT TO DATE MEN WHO PUT THEMSELVES ON A FEMINIST WEB SITE! What. In. The. Fuck.

When the band played Hail to the Chief. I am underutilized here at work, but I thankfully have Craig's List to keep me company.

Dear Red States...

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

Yeah, Spitzer! Pataki isn't running for a fourth term. His reign or retardation is over! I believe this calls for a fist pump. *Pumps fist in air*

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

I'd just like to interject that Harvard and Yale are Ivy League schools. Us Blue Staters are cocky but not necessarily bright. But hey, Women's Colleges aren't usually considered a boon. Seven Sister Pride!

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Yeah, but they get Yellowstone and the Grand Canyon. Bastards.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

I watch the pole dance of the stars. I wonder if prehistoric man had more "liberal" notions about human sexuality than we do. I mean, if your main worries in life are fending off starvation, hiding from predators, and trying not to freeze to death, sexual morality is probably not a big concern. I also wonder if these scientists are on to something or if they just have a dirty mind.

Also, a 30,000 year-old bird carved out of mammoth ivory? Holy shit!

Try to set the night on fire. An Algerian man, Ressam, was sentenced to 22 years in prison for plotting to bomb the Los Angeles International Airport during the 2000 millennium celebration. Seattle Federal District Court Judge John C. Coughenour gave Bush and the entire Conservative/Republican/Nazi party platform the finger here, don't you think?

I would like to convey the message that our system works. We did not need to use a secret military tribunal, or detain the defendant indefinitely as an enemy combatant, or deny him the right to counsel, or invoke any proceedings beyond those guaranteed by or contrary to the United States Constitution. I would suggest that the message to the world from today's sentencing is that our courts have not abandoned our commitment to the ideals that set our nation apart. We can deal with the threats to our national security without denying the accused fundamental constitutional protections. Despite the fact that Mr. Ressam is not an American citizen and despite the fact that he entered this country intent upon killing American citizens, he received an effective, vigorous defense, and the opportunity to have his guilt or innocence determined by a jury of 12 ordinary citizens. Most importantly, all of this occurred in the sunlight of a public trial. There were no secret proceedings, no indefinite detention, no denial of counsel. The tragedy of September 11th shook our sense of security and made us realize that we, too, are vulnerable to acts of terrorism. Unfortunately, some believe that this threat renders our Constitution obsolete. This is a Constitution for which men and women have died and continue to die and which has made us a model among nations. If that view is allowed to prevail, the terrorists will have won. It is my sworn duty, and as long as there is breath in my body I'll perform it, to support and defend the Constitution of the United States. We will be in recess.

Victims of the same disease. Switch the sexes on this baby, and it could describe my luck with the mens. What did Figgie say? I attract losers like moths to the flame?

I have the most supportive friends.

Nothing but blue skies do I see. The Smurfs are Belgian. How about that.

Everyone's favorite little blue cartoon characters, the Smurfs, are coming to the big-screen. Variety reports that Nickelodeon Movies and Paramount Pictures will produce a 3-D CGI feature based on the classic Belgian comic-strip that spawned a popular NBC animated TV series in 1981. Producers hope to bring back Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Brainy, Jokey and Grouchy in time for the characters' 50th Anniversary in 2008. The film is also being conceived as the first in a trilogy of "Smurf" movies. Let's hope there isn't some "Dark Smurf" storyline worked in there.

I don't know about you, but the idea 3D CGI Smurfs give me the willies.

It varies from season to season. I'm at work, and I'm bored. I saw this on Gabbro's LJ and I thought it was funny, so I decided to do one myself. The idea is that you type the answer to the question into a Google image search and post the first photo that comes up. Enjoy!

Where were you born?

This is a picture of the South Bronx. According to Google, I was born in the projects. That should up my street cred, huh?

Where did you grow up?

The answer was "With my mother." HAHAHAHA!

Where do you live now?

Why did this come up for "with my father?"

What is your name?

What?!

What is your favorite food?


What is your favorite drink?


What is your favorite band?

or

or


What is your favorite scent?


What are your favorite shoes?
Seasonally...
v.

Where did you go to high school?


Where do you go to school now?


What is the prettiest place you've ever seen?

I'm praying for rain; I'm praying for tidal waves. Tricunda has the strangest writing style ever, but once you can decipher what she's saying, she doles out some pretty good food for thought.

Remember that no matter how good we are, nobody owes us solid-gold relationships or even a decent person to throw a hump at. There are zero guarantees or promises. Whether that's nature making us feel dumb, karma for taking a nice person for granted, whatever, the only fuck-over faith we can hold onto is that it ultimately will build us into the positive people we hope to attract through learning what bitch feels like.

With relation to Matty G.'s harsh tokery and getting his heart smoked by some broad over e-mail, his hell-feelers were heightened. As always when this happens, life lets out an aftershock ha-ha and calls the pit crew of stupid/annoying as shit people to whatever hole you’re trying to recover in. Like Mickey Mouse's sorcerer's apprentice brooms set to quimby* your fuckin soul.

I think it's totally admirable, Admiral, that you steered the Farter Charter to Pattern Island and took a telescope to who you’ve been doing the last nine years. Before you cut your ear off, paint this down on a canvas, hand it to the loudest person you know, and aim his or her mouth to the side of your head: THIS HAPPENS TO ALL OF US.

(*As a footnote, I was just told that someone who cups and smells his own farts is called a "quimby." Discuss.)

Also, I commend L(Y) for her supreme snazzieness:

Me: Love is never conventient
Her: ...yet

Crown thy good with Sisterhood. For all these reasons, I can be proud to be an American, courtesy of Humpy:

Blessing #1: We're not French!
Blessing #2: American girls dig hot tubs!
Blessing #3: Beer is cheap and plentiful!
Blessing #4: We have a "free press" that mercilessly harasses celebrities like Tom Cruise and Britney Spears on a daily basis!
Blessing #5: Porn is cheap and plentiful!
Blessing #6: Jessica Alba!
Blessing #7: Though the justice system doesn't really work, it does work if you're Michael Jackson!
Blessing #8: Very dangerous fireworks!
Blessing #9: Freedom of religion and the freedom to laugh at other stupid religions, like Scientology!

Time why you punish me. In addition to being kicked out of the Swells nest, I will soon be losing my FirstClass access. Fours years of emails will be poof in a matter of days. Alas. During the last meal I had with L(V) she mentioned a slew of long emails we sent back and forth while I was studying abroad last year. And, as she said, they are ridiculous. Here is a little blast from the dating past. Please laugh at it; we were full of crap:

L(V): About the guy thing, sometimes I really do think that lots of sex, eye candy, and the occasional snuggle is about all guys are good for, but I also recognize that I am very very disgruntled/apathetic/too interested in other things to be very hooked on the romance, so I totally take my own views with a grain of salt.

Me: In response to this, I have a new insight on our brethren, the American man. They. Are. Retarded. After spending a few months in France and now dating a...guy from Luxembourg, yeah American men totally suck. They are painfully insecure and fragile, prone to running at the slightest hint of intimacy or, heaven forbid, commitment (the dreaded word! I need garlic! holy water! where's Buffy? Protect me PLLLEAAASSSEEE!!!) yet they insist that we only have eyes for them and when we don't want anything serious, just want to chill out and enjoy their company and not have it be a big deal, they get all offended and can't cope even though it's EXACTLY WHAT THEY'VE BEEN BITCHING ABOUT WANTING!!!!! AAAAHHHHHHHH I HATE IT!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Seriously dude, it's such total bullshit. And I have grown a serious allergic reaction to bullshit. So yeah, um, [I] will pass on the American man complex thanks.

Oh. My. God. We are so...Orchid first years who think we know everything about men! Gah run away! I don't know about you, but I certainly had a good chuckle at my own expense.

Thro' all her wealth of wood and waters, let your happy voices ring. I know what love is, and I can't stop feeling it.

"Go forth and live happily and well, as might true ladies, or real women, of the eternally full plate." -Patricia Williams

And, much less classy, from SaTC: "I'm not transitioning, I am happening."

To you, my dear Lazy Bums et. al. my life would not be worth living without you in it. Thank you.



WC '05!

I'm just a little girl-boy trying to make my way in a man's world. I realize that I tend to quote Dan Savage a lot in my posts, but I find that he always has something useful or important to say. So, here's another pearl of wisdom for all of you on how to get politically active and protect your reproductive and sexual rights:

To protect straight rights, NCAH, the first thing you need to do is vote—and make sure your friends and family vote too (unless they vote Republican, in which case you need to tear up their voter registration cards). But voting isn't enough.

"We live in a time when privacy is under attack, and sexual privacy is a prime target," Nadine Strossen, president of the American Civil Liberties Union, told me to tell you. "The list of offenses is long and growing: Politicians use billions of taxpayer dollars to withhold vital sexual-health information from teens, the FDA keeps emergency contraception under lock and key, and lawmakers sanction pharmacies' refusal to fill birth-control prescriptions. It is time to pull out all the stops and push back."

So how do you push back? Well, you could become a card-carrying member of the Americans Civil Liberties Union (aclu.org), along with People For The American Way (pfaw.org) and Americans United For Separation Of Church And State (au.org). To specifically protect your reproductive freedoms, you could join Planned Parenthood (plannedparenthood.org) and NARAL Pro-Choice America (naral.org).

But it's not enough to be a card-carrying member of these organizations, NCAH; you need to be an active member. When I called NARAL to ask 'em what you could do, Nancy Keenan, NARAL's president, suggested you get on the phone. "All Americans who value the constitutionally protected zone of privacy should call their senators and ask them to oppose Janice Rogers Brown and William Pryor—judicial nominees under consideration in the Senate who illustrate the threat to individual freedom and personal privacy," said Keenan. "Federal judges are on the bench for life, and President Bush is determined to flood the courts with far-right judicial activists who are hostile to privacy."

Making phone calls and writing letters? Dull stuff, yes, but infinitely more effective than marching in circles around Washington, D.C.

If you sincerely want to get involved in the fight for gay rights, Jennifer Gerarda Brown, co-author of Straightforward: How To Mobilize Heterosexual Support For Gay Rights, had a few suggestions: "There are dozens of specific things that straight allies can do to promote gay rights," said Brown. "You can tell your kids that it's fine for women to love women and for men to love men. You can ask your employer to promise not to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. You can work with your child's school to make sure that classes and course materials validate LGBT people. Engage people in your local churches, office, and government in this dialogue."

Now get busy.

When I'm about to go crazy 'cause I'm still living here I just get my friends together and we dance dance dance. The best Mad Libs ever, courtesy of my, Zap and Netsirk. This is what happens to our brains while we pack.

"Science Lab"
Once a week, we have a science laboratory class, and we get to do nutty experiments with hoops and Republicans. Our teacher, Ms. Frida, shows us how to dissect lollipops. First, we take out the internal cans and emery boards and draw pictures of them in our notebooks. We have to work saucily or else we'll make a mess. We also learn to use chemicals to make squeamish things like inexpensive household Attila the Hun and deodorizers that make a Caligula smell like a hairspray. Last week, we had a velcro-y accident in the lab. Nicole Kidman mixed some chloroform with enchilada and added some bile and the mixture exploded and blew two tiles through the roof. So now our teacher makes us wear safety pantaloons during science class.

I'm a lucky man with fire in my hands. As of two hours ago, I have officially accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish academically in college. It took me four years to do it, and I did. I have never been so proud of myself, and it has put everything in perspective. The future is always uncertain, and if I have to wait four or more years to get to the next step, then so be it. I am ready.

So now you come back. The seventh grader inside of me is way too fucking excited about this:

Star Wars Horoscope for Sagittarius

You are superbly wise and have been known to spread your wisdom widely. You are impatient and pushy when people take your teachings too lightly. And your philosophical side always peeks through. Star wars character you are most like: Yoda

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Where would I be without my friends. It seems I make an impression:

the dazzling wellesley redhead - w4w - 21

you and i were getting tea at the same time in the kosher/veggie dining place. i lingered, hoping you'd want to talk. you did, but i was so caught up listening to your voice i didn't hear what you were saying.

you--tall, curvy, caffeinated
me--wearing that blue jacket and smiling back at you

email me so we can talk about you having my babies.

this is in or around the bubble

You give me something. Here's some food for thought, courtesy of the imitable Dan Savage:

Researchers have been hard at work on two vaccines for HPV, vaccines that could save thousands of women's lives. In clinical trials, the vaccines have prevented 90 percent of new HPV infections. Good news, huh? Not for the religious right. Bridget Maher of the Family Research Council told New Scientist magazine that "giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful, because they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex."

While the religious right's war on gay people gets all the headlines, their war on straight rights gains ground daily. They've destroyed sex education in this country, undermined abortion rights, and successfully prevented emergency contraception from being made available over the counter. Now they're going to block the HPV vaccine. Why? Because the American Taliban would rather see sexually active women dead than vaccinated.

Hello, straight people? If you don't want to live in a world where you need a license from the likes of Bridget Maher to have sex, premarital or otherwise, you had better start speaking up. Most of you seem content to merely rubberneck while gay people have the shit kicked out of us, and while that's maddening, I suppose it's understandable. It's not your fight. But what explains your passivity when your own rights are being attacked?

What the crap is up with the Religious right? What the fuck is wrong with people who'd rather have women die than be protected? This is religion? This is magnanimity? Fuck no. This is cruel, plain and simple.

How many times must you be told. While I was running earlier, I was listening to the first CD I ever bought: the Foxfire soundtrack. I doubt you remember the film, but it was a 1990s grrrrl power film based on a Joyce Carol Oats book which featured a pre-Gia Angelina Jolie and that chick from that horrible NBC sitcom, "Boston Common." One of the songs on the soundtrack is by L7 about Shirley Muldowny, the first woman drag racer. Awesome. Best line in the song:

-"What's a beautiful girl like you doing racing in a place like this?"
-"Winning."

Snap! That was so awesome. Plus there's a great Luscious Jackson song on it which is particularly appropriate, all things considered.

Alternately, if that soundtrack was what I was listening to while I was just barely adolescent...holy crap! It's so depressing. Some of the songs are about how everyone is unhappy, life sucks, men suck, and people do drugs to fill the hole in their lives. Dear Lord, it continues to be mystery to me how I ever made it out of high school without a serious eating disorder. Also, how did I survive adolescence without Sleater-Kinney?

I remember you were incredible. I have really strange conversations with people when I'm tired. Or during finals. Or just in general.

Erin: I was in StoneD the other day, and they had a French fry bar, and they had those smiley face potatoes we usually have at Midnight Breakfast. I was horrified!
E: What?! That's sacraligious. That's like eating the Host on a Wednesday!

BonBon: Well I think you are very loveable
E: I think I will like put that on my business cards. "Very lovable" -BonBon. Like the reviews on the back of books.

Dani B: I'm going to wing it
E: You go girl. You're smarter than most people's left pinkie. I doubt you'll have a problem
DB: aww thanks
E: It's kind of a strange compliment. I'm not even sure I know what I meant
DB: haha, well, I send it right back at ya. We're a couple of smart, sexy bitches!
E: Can I get a hell yeah!

Veggie: You are so hot
E: I know!
Veggie: You know it; I know it
E: Why doesn't THE WORLD know it?

Some things will never change. Loo is forever making my day:

L(V): I love you, E. You and your tiger fist thumping antics.

Rock.

Work, and work. One of my favorite first years sent this to me, and it was so cute I knew I had to share it.

Finals are like boys:
1. they're hard to understand
2. you might get the urge to cheat on them
3. some are harder than others
4. they put pressure on you to perform well
5. they were created to make our lives hell
6. you can work for hours and still get no satisfaction
7. some take longer to finish than others
8. you always have 3 or 4 at a time
9. some aren't as big as you had expected
10. they're much easier to do when you're drunk because you just don't care

Goodbye to everything that I knew. It's weird how many things are ending with our class. We will be the last class to experience Foodfest, the Hoop, Molly's Pub, Schneider, decentralized mail, bells, Dyke Ball and Tower Court...how strange. I know you're supposed to leave a place better than when you found it, but maybe it isn't up to us. Maybe it's just time to graduate.

Embrace-moi lentement. As I previously mentioned, I'm writing my art history paper about the Hôtel de Beauharnais, which was owned by the Empress Josephine's son, Eugene. I was doing a little bit of background research on Eugene last night just so I could get a fuller picture of him, and OH MY GOD I am in love with this man. I mean, I already thought he was gorgeous (our entire class swooned when his slide came up on the screen on the first day of class), but it seems he was also the most gentlemanly man in the history of men. Plus, had a "resounding, baratone" voice. Add to that the aforementioned hôtel in Faubourg Saint-Germaine, several palaces in Italy where he served as Viceroy, and membership in the Legion d'Honneur, and oh my goodness, did I mention the swooning?

Don't believe me? Fine.




And on to my...I mean, the hôtel, which is now the German embassy.

Notice the famous Egyptian portico.

Le Salon des quatres saisons

La Chambre de la reine Hortense (Don't get me started on the horribly misplaced chairs!)

Why did all the good men die before 1824? Why?! WHY?!?!?!?!

I'm so tired. Oh holy crap, I am so motherfucking tired. Last night was Paint it Green! night. For those of you who haven't been following the saga, every year the graduating class decorates the entire campus in their class color. What started as a prank has blossomed into a tradition, and I was in charge of it. That's right. Me and my co-chair spent $2,005 dollars and countless hours of prep time to dec the campus in green.

How was it?

I went to bed at 6:45 this morning. I walked around this campus so many times that my feet are swollen, and my fingers are still dyed vaguely green. I am at that point of tiredness when I am no longer in control of my emotions (always a fun condition) and I might just burst into tears. Why? Because it's over! I've been planning this thing all damn semester, and it's over. Classes are over, college is almost over, I have a 30 page art history paper due in four days, and I am exhausted. So, dear friends, I am going to bed. I'll poster pictures tomorrow if I can move my hands.

If anyone finds my egg, please let me know!

Can I graduate? Between me and my shiny new diploma:

-Arthurian Legends paper on the manipulation of the Pelleas and Ettard story through the 13th c. French Vulgate to Malory to Tennyson (Don't I sound all intelligent).
Due May 9
-Paint it Green! all fucking night May 10
-French paper on the role of the king in Racine's theater. Due May 11
-30 page (!!!) Art History paper on the renovation of the Hôtel de Beauharnais. Due May 16
-French final exam. May 19
-Arthurian Legends final exam. Whenever the heck I get around to it

Yes! I can totally fucking do this! Eye of the motherfucking tiger! *pumps fist in air*

Another head aches, another heart breaks. Most of the time the Lippy Imp annoys the crap out of me with his whining and rambling. But his words this time feel rather poignant:

"When my girlfriend’s cell phone rang at around 11:00 p.m., I answered it. Normally, with her asleep, I would have let it go to voice mail, but I knew who it was and why he was calling.

'Eight pounds, seven ounces,' announced the proud but weary voice on the other end. It was my girlfriend’s ex-husband, Tony. His girlfriend had just given birth to their first child, his second. I congratulated him, asked about the baby and her mother, congratulated him again, and let him get on with making the rest of his phone calls. Tony and I get along well enough, and he and my girlfriend have an amicable relationship, or at least as amicable as can be between two people who regularly refer to each other as 'Bitch' and 'Cockbag.'

I walked back into the bedroom where my girlfriend, now awake, lay staring at the wall. I gave her the baby’s stats as I scooted under the covers, but she said nothing. I knew that she was exhausted after a long day at work, so the mere fact that her eyes were still open told me something was wrong. After a couple of minutes of silence, I finally asked, 'What’s wrong?' She paused before saying flatly, 'It should have been us.'

This statement needed no explanation. She and I have often bemoaned the fact that we can’t have children of our own. Not that we need them. She has a daughter courtesy of Tony, and I have three children, the product of my own failed marriage. It’s not so much that we want more children; we just want something that is our own. The problem is twofold: One, five kids are too many, and two, my vasectomy makes conceiving a child impossible. Even if we could have children biologically, I have a staggering amount of debt I inherited through my divorce, no college degree, and no practical job skills. I have nothing to offer her accept the kindness of my heart which, last I checked, is one of the few things that doesn’t qualify one for a bank loan. On paper, I’m a bad risk. At times this supersedes any of the intangibles I bring to the table, like my sense of humor or golden retriever–like devotion and affection. In the darkest part inside her, she resents me for all of my various anchors, and she hates herself for feeling that way. As a result, we’re the couple with matching hair shirts.

A few minutes after the phone call, her body conceded to slumber, while I lay awake, miserable. I had only a few hours before I needed to go to the first of my two jobs, so I desperately needed to get to sleep fast. But my mind was spinning, churning out the kind of masochistic thoughts that would leave me wide-eyed until the alarm clock went off. There was only one thing to do.

In the face of insomnia, it has long been my habit to masturbate. One of the advantages of being male is the inherent ability to separate sexual activity from emotional liability, so jacking off doesn’t require being “in the mood.” All I have to do is cue up my mental porno tape, throw in a palm full of lube, and I’m on my way.

Not wanting to wake my girlfriend, I excused myself to the living room sofa where I proceeded to coerce my penis into an erection. The movie in my head began, and I fast-forwarded to a scene that suited me. Once there, I began to masturbate in earnest, with an air of practicality. After all, I was doing this because I was unable to sleep, not because I was aroused or frustrated. Even as I fantasized about my girlfriend in the role of the insatiable cheerleader/prison escapee, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was, to her, a disappointment, that I was holding her back from her dreams. Maybe with some other guy she could have financial stability, another child of their own making, and a lack of feeling shackled to a past that was beyond her control. I thought about leaving, putting my belongings into storage and consuming the generosity of friends who’d tolerate my sleeping and masturbating on their couches for a few days. I thought that maybe just being a good and decent person wasn’t enough to hang dreams on, that I needed a sparkling portfolio of opportunity and potential as well. Then again, wasn’t love enough? She and I were in this position because we honestly feel that we were made for each other, but met 10 years too late to take full advantage of it. We’re crazy about each other, so what sense did it make to throw away the kind of love documented in fairy tales and made-for-TV movies? Were we really on the verge of breaking up, or were we more likely grief stricken, mourning the loss of the 10 years we spent trying to realize our dreams with the wrong people?

These were my thoughts as I reached orgasm, semen pooling on my stomach. Almost immediately, my body began to relax, my eyelids growing heavier by the second. As I reached for a towel, I considered the puddle of come on my belly. Once potent and vital, it now lay lifeless and insignificant, the consequence of bad choices. No longer containing the power to create life, it was now nothing more than a mess. Maybe this was exactly what regret looked like."

We don't have crystal balls or time machines that will tell us the future. We don't have mirrors into the souls of our partner so that we know exactly what to do to make whatever hurricane is churning subside. When we love, we want it to last, and we can't imagine ever feeling any differently about that person.

I don't know how to love and protect myself at the same time. I don't know how to leave and not hurt afterwards. All I can do is continue to believe in myself, believe in my own beautiful humanity--my capacity to love, to feel, to care, to cherish. I never want to shut myself off from that part of myself which loves or hurts because it's real, raw...and, most importantly, it's mine.

Now you've chosen weakness.

"Qui vit sans folie n'est pas si sage qu'il croit." -La Rochefoucauld

I am not undone.

Get back motherfucker you don't know me like that. Only for Luda would you get me screaming "Ho... you'se a ho." Hell, only for Luda would you get a frigging women's college screaming that, and pointing at their friends while they did it.

Time why do you punish me? Wasting time is awesome:

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

30% Yankee

15% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Yes, this was shamelessly stolen from Gwax. I am a biter, and I don't care.

And everyone will want to be like me. Another gem from Craig's List. Oh to have the balls to write this. What a catharsis!

I was the worst girlfriend EVER...

An open letter to the guy who dumped me last January.

Dear Ex-Boyfriend,

I should grovel at your feet. I was delusional to think that I was ever good enough for you. I've thought a lot about it, and the light of your wisdom has begun to flicker through my dim brain. Allow me to list the ways in which I screwed things up:

1) It was very silly of me to think that you liked me just because you insisted on spending all of your spare time with me for 5 months. I mean, sleeping next to me 4 nights a week could mean anything.

2) I feel ridiculous for interpreting your words - "I love you" - as meaning that you loved me. Boy, is my face red! I now realize you meant, "I love putting my penis in your vagina after you pay for dinner and drive all of my friends home."

3) I definitely should not have encouraged you in your urge to put Mr. Winky everywhere he would fit (and, let's face it, a few places he almost didn't!). Every guy hates girls who like sex. Girls who like sex are bad.

4) I'm humiliated that I allowed myself to think we were "serious" after you drove me 14 hours each way to meet your mother. I'm sure you do that with all the girls.

5) I'm sorry that I didn't make a fuss on those occasions when you left skidmarks on my fresh, white bedlinens. I didn't want to embarrass you, so I pretended not to notice. I should have called attention to the fact that you can't be bothered to wipe your own ass. A nice girl would have told your friends.

6) When I got accepted to several ivy league law schools, I only proved your best friend's theory that I am "beautiful but stupid." I'm sorry that I insisted that you ask him to apologize. Girls with dignity are such a drag.

7) One of the reasons that you gave for dumping me is that my apartment is clean. It kills me to know that I would have won your heart if only I had cultivated a swarm of fruit flies in my kitchen to rival yours. I can see why you like them - their genome has been fully sequenced!

8) You probably don't know about this yet, but I got drunk with your sister last week and told her about the time you tried on my panties. Whoops!

So when we sat on your futon making out on January 20th, I can see why you paused to say, "It's been fun dating you, but..." I'm sorry that I screwed up so badly. Now I just have to live with the difficult knowledge that some other lucky girl will get to drive you around and bleach your shit stains out of her sheets.

XOXO

Fashion, turn to the left. So it seems that today is "Love Your Body" day here at Swells, and the spam and posters for it are making me really happy. They're all very witty and fun. One of them has these great before and after photos of Kiera Knightly touched up on the "King Arthur" photo so that her stomach is flatter and her breasts are bigger. Another has this list of things you could buy with the money you spent on, say, a year's supply of SlimFast (Plane tickets to Europe. Score!) Also, they're giving away fruit smoothies at 7 p.m. Fuck it, I'll love my body for a free smoothie. Bring it on!

Actually, I've been working on the self-love thing more lately (no jokes, please). I wake up in the morning, stretch, and check myself out in the mirror. I am one fine piece of lady. Meow!

Take it away, Kate Winslet:

"The re-touching is excessive. I do not look like that and, more importantly, I don't desire to look like that. It's a little distressing this is magazine policy -- all magazines. ... I'm very aware, because I did it myself, that young women look at publications like that and see a woman looking beautiful, looking sexy and in their mind looking perfect. Therefore these women strive to look like this idea of perfection. But it isn't real. People's legs are simply not that smooth. Everyone has a lump somewhere or they have knobbly knees. I can tell you that they've reduced the size of my legs by about a third....

What is sexy? All I know from the men I've ever spoken to is that they like girls to have an arse on them, so why is it that women think in order to be adored they have to be thin? I just don't understand that way of thinking. I'm certainly not a sex symbol who doesn't eat."

So strong. Food for thought?

"Welcome to the mystery that is men. I think it goes something like, they grow body hair, they lose all ability to tell you what they really want."
-BtVS, "Phases"

Dun dun. Everyone should watch "Law and Order" May 18. The district attorney is named after my dad. So cool.

The wisdom of a fool won't set you free. So I woke up after a two hour nap to see that the sun was still out at 7 p.m. I thought to myself, "Wow, it must really be spring." Then I remembered daylight savings, so it was only 6 p.m. two days ago.

The universe cheats.

I know what boys like. So maybe it's weird for me to post this, but I think it's really good advice. I know about a million guys who should have been told this when they were 15. Once again Dan Savage proves to be humanity's savior:

I am a 15-year-old boy and I've never had a girlfriend and I wanted to ask you personally, how do you get girls? Like the best way to get them, so they think I am interesting. I await your orders.

Teenager Going To Waste

There's nothing I enjoy more than ordering around the odd teenage boy, TGTW, which I've been doing in this space since you were packin' diapers. In fact, a couple of years back I gave orders to a 15-year-old boy who asked pretty much the same question: How do I get girls? A lot of people wrote in to tell me they thought my response was terrific--that kid should be about 18 now, and if he took my advice he should be up to his eyebrows in pussy--so I'm going to give you the same advice I gave him…

You're having a hard time getting girls. That sucks. I remember what it was like when I was 15 and wanted boys and couldn't get any. It sucked. But the sad fact is that most 15-year-old boys are repulsive--that is, most 15-year-old boys are awkward, half-formed works-in-progress. The fact that girls physically mature more quickly than boys means most girls your age already look like young women and they're attracted to older boys--and there you are, aching for your first girlfriend, but still looking like a short, hairless chimp.

But don't despair, TGTW. Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime here's what you need to do: Worry less about getting your 15-year-old self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible; read so that you'll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you're interesting is to actually be interesting); and get out of the house and do shit--political shit, sporty shit, arty shit--so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.

Some more orders: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and read all about birth control and STDs, and learn enough about female anatomy that you'll be able to find a clitoris in the dark. Masturbate in moderation--no more than 10 times a day--and vary your masturbatory routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. A vagina does not feel like a clenched fist, TGTW, nor does a mouth, an anus, tit fucking, dry humping, or e-stim. If you don't want to be sending me another pathetic letter in five years complaining about your inability to come unless you're beating your own meat, TGTW, you will vary your routine now so that you'll be able to respond to different kinds of sexual stimulation once you do start getting the girls. Good luck, kiddo.

Break away. First of all, ha!

Second of all, can you spot how many things are just...WRONG about this? And why the crap aren't there any "Saving It" boxer shorts? All the undies are for girls, which is a classic example of gender script ideology - women are the gatekeepers to sex who must control their male partners. My WOST senses are tingling.

Fashion Takes a Vow of Chastity
Monday, March 21, 2005
By C. Spencer Beggs

Underwear. It can say "I'm sexy." It can say "I'm confident." But can it say "I'm waiting for marriage?"

That's what Yvette Thomas is banking on. Her growing line of clothing, WaitWear, plasters slogans like "Virginity Lane: Exit When Married" and "Notice: No Trespassing On This Property. My Father Is Watching" on underwear and T-shirts, and is meant to inspire young people to abstain from sex until they tie the knot.

"[Abstinence] makes so much of a difference in an individual's life and the choices that they make, and especially at a young age," said Thomas, 39.

WaitWear is currently rolling into more and more retail stores, and Thomas is determined that the company will do a little more than $2 million in sales this year — up from a mere $4,000 in 2004.

But can panties and T-shirts really help a person wait for marriage? And isn't the whole point of wearing underwear with slogans on it to have it be seen?

Ashley Littlefield, 20, a junior at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana — where sex is prohibited by the student code of conduct — sees some hypocrisy in anti-sex skivvies.

"The underwear line is the most illogical part of the whole [WaitWear Web] site. Shouldn't it read: 'If You Can Read This, I'm Probably Not Waiting Until Marriage?'" she said.

But Thomas, who launched WaitWear in the fall of 2002, looks at the undies as more of a memo to self — and she does think they can be effective in delaying sexual activity.

"It's not used to be a barrier; WaitWear is something that is used as a reminder," Thomas said. "[Young people] need to have a bold message that says: 'Yes, this is what I've committed to and this is going to help me remember.'"

Thomas, a practicing evangelical Christian and never-married mother of three, vowed in 1999 to remain abstinent until marriage. However, sticking to her commitment has not always been easy, and much of the inspiration for WaitWear came from her personal struggle with keeping her vow.

"One day I woke up and realized: What type of example am I giving to my son? And I have to be an example," Thomas said. "I can't tell my son to abstain from sex if [I'm] not doing it [myself]."

Thomas is not alone in her effort to bring abstinence into the pop culture conversation. Reality TV queen and singing star Jessica Simpson was very public about her decision to remain a virgin until marriage, and more recently, youth-oriented television shows like "Gilmore Girls" and "Summerland" have featured characters who want to wait.

Moreover, chastity movements like True Love Waits, which urge to students sign pledge cards promising to abstain, have grown increasingly visible on American high school and college campuses over the last decade.

True Love Waits co-founder Jimmy Hester, 57, agrees with Thomas that wearing your heart on your sleeve — literally — can be a good way to support teens taking a vow of abstinence.

"One of the key parts of [successful abstinence education] is follow-up, support and encouragement," he said. "One of the ways that we've discovered in the past 11 years is to carry the message through a key part of the teens' culture: the music, the movies, the Internet and, of course, clothing."

But Lauren F. Winner, whose upcoming book "Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity" takes a candid look at remaining abstinent in modern times, is of two minds about the line.

"On the one hand, I think recognizing that our clothes tell stories about us and thinking intentionally about what stories we want to tell is wise and generally right on," said Winner, a 28-year-old evangelical Christian. "On the other hand, I think the relationship between advertising, consumerism and exploitative sexuality is insidious. I wonder if the WaitWear line cedes too much to a culture that wants to turn our very clothes and bodies into billboards and ads."

Winner also thinks we have to be more straightforward with kids about how hard it is to refrain from sex.

"I think we have to engage today's teens where they are and stop cloaking our chastity talk in euphemism. Teens today are edgy and cagey and are wise to spin," she said. "We have to be willing to speak honestly about the real challenges they may be facing in their attempts to live chastely."

Indeed, Littlefield, barely out of her teens herself, finds the WaitWear slogans "insulting."

"Apparently, teenagers can't be sold on any idea unless it comes with clever catchphrases on reasonably priced T-shirts," she said. "Since when is it acceptable to advertise your sexual status on your shirt? This is as distasteful as a girl showing up to school in an 'Open for Business' shirt."

But despite her critics, Thomas is working on a new line of WaitWear that extends beyond T-shirts and underwear. She won't reveal the details, but one thing is certain:

"It will be a positive message you can surround yourself with," she said.

Give it to me. Coming to a tabloid near you: "Entire Lesbian W. Class of 2005 Lands in Hospital After Drunken Graduation Orgy Binge."

In other news, community dinner is stupid.

Let go of this pride. I spent all Sunday hung over after Dyke Ball. Not all moments can be shining moments.

However, I don't think that warrants the Boston Herald and a load of other local news affiliates using us as front page fodder. "Lusty Lesbian Bash" my ass. Why can't you stupid, ignorant people deal with the fact that women do NOT need men to have a good time. I think it is disgusting that a party celebrating homosexuality which just so happens to take place at a reputable women's college needs so much media attention. Eleven students going to the hospital with alcohol poisoning is a Wednesday night at Syracuse University, 'aight? So don't give me any shit about how we're so depraved because I will seriously stomp on your balls. You and your misogyny are not welcome in my universe.

T: I love how they make sure to specify that EVIL GAY PEOPLE were involved
E: and now the administration is thinknig of banning all parties that have high alcohol related problems, which is such CRAP
T: well, they're going to ban the harvard-yale tailgate, too. we will have to send our children to college in an alternate universe where fun is permitted
E: why in the fuck are they just bending over for the media? no one can take it when women act like men
T: women having fun = SAPPHIC LESBIAN ACTION!!!! XXX!!! FOOTAGE AT ELEVEN!!!!
E: And W. women act like men: We drink, we fuck, we are ambitious, we are aggressive, and we're not going to make you a fucking sandwich
T: Just like how people hate it when gay men act like straight men
E: I say castration for everyone! Unic pride! Seriously, you're all so fucking threatened by a little girl-on-girl action, you don't deserve to own a penis. I'm sorry, you are not a man.

Party almost out of time. Like many of you, I hated 2004. It was the shittiest year in the history of my years. I was so excited to kick it in the butt and give it the finger, but now it seems that Drew has made an interesting discovery:



Way to go, China. Jeeeez.

I'm gonna blow you away. YES! *pumps fist in air* Viva la revolution!