Hineh bah. This is not in the spirit of Yom Kippur, Israel! Didn't you learn anything from atoning? Akko is one of the only places where Jews and Arabs live in harmony. Can we please not ruin that? You make it really hard to be a Zionist when you do this kind of crap.

She wants the luxury of her own life. I've blogged about this before, but since nobody listens to me, I'll try again.

Brandeis University released a new study, "Gender Imbalance in American Jewish Life," claiming that in non-Orthodox settings, "American Jewish boys and men have fewer connections to Jews and Judaism in almost every venue and in every age, from school-age children through the adult years....Contemporary liberal American Judaism, although supposedly egalitarian, is visibly and substantially feminized."

Feminized? Apparently the ladies are taking over! In the Reform movement, the largest Jewish religious movement in America, Women outnumber men in seminaries, youth groups, summer programs, and prayer services.

And you should be worried! The Brandeis study argues that "men's decreased interest in Jews and Judaism walks hand in hand with apathy toward creating Jewish households and raising Jewish children." No more Jewish babies! Because the women are taking over!

But fear not! Here come the men-only Brotherhoods, men-only barbecues, dare-devil birthright israel trips, and man-centric Passover Haggadahs. Because HaShem knows that the traditional Passover Hagaddah is really misandry run amok.

Personally, I think you can blame assimilation and the break down of the insular Jewish community for the alleged disappearance of men from the Jewish community. Ideal American manhood is not compatible with stereotypical of Jewish manhood. Who wants to be the nebbishy, wimpy Jewish Other when you can be the wealthy, handsome, sexy American Man who gets to fuck the hot shiksah (think Portnoy's Complaint here). Jewish men don't want to maintain a connection to Judaism, and because Judaism is passed down through the woman, marrying a non-Jew is the ultimate rejection of Judaism.

American Jewish women, on the other hand, are embracing their new and hard-won role in the Jewish community. Gone are the days when Jewish women could be cook and wet nurse but nothing more. American Jewish women don't have to sit behind a mehitzah anymore, and you can't make them!

Says Brandeis: "Some suggest that in the Western world, spirituality, especially in more liberal denominations, has become associated with femininity. Others believe that men are reluctant to join organizations unless they can play leadership roles, and with the entry of large numbers of women into synagogue life, there are fewer such opportunities for men."

The fact of the matter is that there is no inherent gender bias in Judaism. The second class citizenship of women in Judaism has everything to do with culture and nothing to do with religious prescription. Stop blaming women for your religious community not looking the way you want it to when, frankly, every sociologist with his (or her) PhD can tell you that women have always been the key sustainers of religious devotion in times of strife. The sooner men realize that women are not usurping their throne, the happier we'll all be.

I'm coming slow but speeding. I must be pretty desperate if I get excited every time I come across a tidbit where some hard line Christian zealot takes a moderate--or, gasp, even liberal--stance on a hot-button issue. But I think this Newsweek article is actually promising:

[Kansan megachurch pastor Adam] Hamilton wants pro-choice and pro-life advocates to join forces to reduce the number of abortions and he enumerates seven areas where they could find common ground. Let both sides agree that adequate information about birth control can help prevent pregnancy, he says. And let both sides agree that the longer a pregnancy progresses, the more morally problematic an abortion becomes.

I agree! I happily agree! Let's do this!

Then, of course, I find out that my tribesmen are joining the hard line Christian zealot stance on a hot-button issue, and I get all depressed again. A pro-abstinence website for Jewish teens claiming condoms don't work? For shame, Orthodox Union, for shame.

It takes a strong man to stand by a strong woman. This season's Lilith has an interesting/frightening report on online dating and the single Jewish woman. Basically, men don't want serious relationships until they're in their 30s, which is when they start trying to pick up 20-something women. But women in their 20s are too focused on their careers to notice, so Jewish women don't get married. Yay! I have to say, on some level, this article is a complete condemnation of Jewish women. It paints us as hopelessly self-involved and uneducated about how to successfully form and nurture romantic attachments. There is a slight mention that men also contribute to the marriage shortage because the Internet allows them to stay single indefinitely (Why settle down when there's a whole catalogue of women to pursue?), but mostly the blame is placed on women not knowing what they want or how to go about getting it.

I think this may be an accurate portrayal of some women (I actually know middle-aged women who are like this); there are women who stay stuck in the same dead-end patterns of finding a mate because they focus on superficial details instead of substantive qualities. But the part of this that scares me is the hopelessness of the situation. For example, according to the article, men don't like women who are smarter or more ambitious and/or successful than they are. Great. As a highly-educated, ambitious woman, what am I supposed to do? Have a lobotomy? Not go to graduate school? Why is it always incumbent upon women to change--to dumb themselves down or sex themselves up--so as not to threaten the oh-so-delicate menfolk?

The article does make a good point: Women spend too much time in unpromising situations (I, for one, am extremely guilty of this). Women (and men) also tend to value the appearance of a relationship--What is his career? How much does he make?--and not how the relationship feels or how you interact. But I can't get over of the terrifying thought that, even if you don't care about these sorts of things, you're still doomed because men are babies. What's a girl to do, aside from date 30 year-olds?

Alright Internet, here's my list of adjectives (in no particular order) which, when strung together, hopefully describe an actual person: Practicing Jew, college-educated, stable, laid-back, communicative, understanding, good listener, non-smoker, driven, kind, funny, smart, patient, attentive, affectionate, self-confident, self-aware, engaging, feminist a huge plus. I don't care about career or income or taste in music or how close he is with his family or any of that malarkey, though I probably wouldn't have the patience to date an actor or a model. If it's not too much to ask, I'd also like it if he was at least 5'10", had a full head of dark hair, and a beard (I really like beards). And since I'm fantasizing anyway, I request Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy, but Jewish.

If you were suspicious, all that shit is ficticious. I don't know where I've been lately, but I've missed way too many offensive pop culture trends. Usually I'm the first one to pick up on these things, but it seems I am hopelessly behind the times.

Apparently there is a lot of hating on Jewish women going on that I simply haven't been paying attention to. Jezebel provides a comprehensive rant about the fetishization of Jewish Men and points out that their sexy female counterparts get no love. Word, people. Why do we hold on to that self-hating, spread-by-Philip Roth, nagging Jewish mother stereotype or that money-spending, frigid JAP stereotype? And why is it that the only nice thing Jewish men can say about us is that we give good head? Find a new theme!

To put it generally, as Judaism is passed through the mother, Jewish women tie men to the religion and the culture. As Jewishness is often seen as indicative of weakness, untrustworthiness, impotence, and unattractiveness in Western society, Jewish men must denegrate their female counterparts in order to thrive. Considering that the main tenant of Judaism is to marry another Jew and have lots of tiny Jewish babies, if you don't marry a Jewish woman, you're rejecting your Jewishness. I realize this is a controversial statement, and I'm not attacking Jewish men who date non-Jews. I'm pointing out that the subtext of anti-Jewish women propaganda is, in essence, a denegration of Judaism itself. This Boston Globe op-ed says the same thing with a lot less theoretical mumbo-jumbo.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I refuse to be valued solely on the merits of deep-throating. I refuse to be defined by some archaic, anti-Semitic, misogynistic, self-hating stereotype designed simply so that Jewish men can fuck shiksas and not feel bad about it. Unlike some people, I do not suffer from an identity crisis.

Don't mess with a Missionary Man. I've been sitting on this article for a whole month now, trying to decide what to say about it. I still don't know what to say other than this whole situation just seems wrong. I don't like the idea of religion-for-hire, where you can customize your religion to fit your expectations, completely ignoring thousands of years of theology and tradition. I don't object to intermarriage per se, and I think that most rabbis are horribly narrow-minded on a wide range of topics, but I think that this faux-rabbi business is a downright perversion of something that is essentially sacred and beautiful. People are so used to the customizable modern world where every aspect of life is completely bendable to one's particular vision that they cannot accept it when someone tells them "no." As my friend said, you can do whatever you want, just don't expect the establishment to agree with you.

I'll be your whatever you want. Having lived in the region for the past six months, I can tell you that this is an oversimplified answer to a complex problem. Via Facebook group Lezbollah, hot women from different Middle-East-Peace-Process ethnic backgrounds will send in pictures of themselves getting it on and, thus, inspire the rest of us to put down our weapons. After all, what's more inspirational than girl-on-girl action?

I'm pretty sure that most traditional Arabs and Jews would take offense to lesbian hook-ups, even if they are multi-cultural and, therefore, awesome. Also, I am compelled to point out the exploitation here: Why do women always have to pretend to be gay to get men to do what they want? As usual, the only tool with which women can prarticipate when it comes to compromise is our sexuality--or pseudo-lesbian posturing, as the case may be.

Point me to the sky above. I found this in the Slate archives and it's really REALLY funny and also really REALLY disturbing. On the one hand, Evangelical Christians are hilarious. On the other hand, Christian Evangelicals scare the shit out of me. This article pretty much sums up why.

Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya. I've said it once, I'll say it again. Jews are funny. And, apparently, creative. Makes my bat mitzvah party at a fancy restaurant overlooking the Hudson look downright cheap!

Moving too fast. Not again:


Enrique Iglesias is in Israel to collect a reported $1 million paycheck to perform at a private Hanukkah party for a billionaire. Fine, that's great, but must you go do...whatever it is you're doing near my sacred site?

What is it with these crazy celebrities using my wall as a photo opportunity? I blame Madonna and her b.s. Kabbalah fascination for making Judaism all the rage.

Flawless, absolutely flawless. I suppose "thou shalt not put thy dick up another man's butt" trumps "thou shalt not kill" in the Commandment department? Good thing to know that crazies exist in all religions. I was worried.

Ain't that America. That's America for you. A war's going on, and us stuck-up, privileged Americans are shocked by the fucking head gear!

Looks like FIFA has jumped on the anti-semitic bandwagon.

FIFA has condemned Israel for an air strike on an empty soccer field in the Gaza Strip that was used for training exercises by Islamic Jihad and the al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade. This strike did not cause any injuries. But at the same time FIFA has refused to condemn a Palestinian rocket attack on an Israeli soccer field last week which did cause injuries....

[Jerome Champagne, FIFA's deputy general secretary, who personally condemned the Israeli attack] "wrote to the Jerusalem Post saying he couldn't possibly be biased against Israel because his wife was Jewish."

Fantastic. I fucking love it.

Welcome aboard, FIFA. You're in good company.

It may rain or it may shine. Today in Get the Hell Away From My Wall:



What the hell, Will Smith? Not only are you hanging out at my Wall, you interrupted a bar mitzvah with you paparazzi-inspiring celebrity. At least Sharon Stone dressed conservatively for her spectacle. Can't you leave the bling and the Kangol hat at home for one day? Have some respect, please.

I don't get it. I doubt the paparazzi would swarm some celebrity taking Holy Communion from the Pope, so why do they need to disrespect my sacred site in pursuit of mega-stardom? Is Judaism some sort of exotic circus attraction?

I am not pretending. As promised to Zap, below find some rather thought-provoking commentary from the Afterward by Primo Levi from his memoirs, Surviving Auschwitz and The Reawakening.

In an authoritarian state...there is only one Truth, proclaimed from above; the newspapers are all alike, the all repeat the same one Truth. So do the radio stations, and you cannot listen to those of other countries. In the first place, since this is a crime, you risk ending up in prison. In the second place, the radio stations in your country send out jamming signals, on the appropriate wavelengths, that superimpose themselves on the foreign messages and prevent you from hearing them. As for books, only those that please the State are published and translated. You must seek any others on the outside and introduce them into your country at your own risk because they are considered more dangerous than drugs and explosives, and if they are found in your possession at the border, they are confiscated and you are punished. Books not in favor, or no longer in favor, are burned in public bonfires in town squares....In an authoritarian State it is considered permissible to alter the truth; to rewrite history retrospectively; to distort the news, suppress the truth, add the false. Propaganda is substituted for information. In fact, in such a country you are not a citizen possessor of rights but a subject, and as such you owe to the State (and to the dictator who represents it) fanatical loyalty and supine obedience. (377-378)

Everybody must know, or remember, that when Hitler and Mussolini spoke in public, they were believed, applauded, admired, adored like gods. They were "charismatic leaders;" they possessed a secret power of seduction that did not proceed from the credibility or the soundness of the things they said but from the suggestive way in which they said them, from their eloquence, from their histrionic art, perhaps instinctive, perhaps patiently learned and practiced. The ideas they proclaimed were not always the same and were, in general, aberrant or silly or cruel. And yet they were acclaimed with hosannahs and followed to the death by millions of the faithful. We must remember that these faithful followers, among them the diligent executors of inhuman orders, were not born torturers, were not born (with a few exceptions) monsters; they were ordinary men. Monsters exist, but they are too few in number to be truly dangerous. More dangerous are the common men, the functionaries ready to believe and to act without asking questions, like Eichmann [Hitler's propagandist]; like Hoss, the commandant of Auschwitz; like Stangl, the commandant of Treblinka...

It is, therefore, necessary to be suspicious of those who seek to convince us with means other than reason, and of charismatic leaders: we must be cautious about delegating to others our judgement and our will. Since it is difficult to distinguish true prophets from false, it is as well to regard all prophets with suspicion. It is better to renounce revealed truths, even if they exalt us by their splendor or if we find them convenient because we acquire them gratis. It is better to content oneself with other more modest and less exciting truths, those one acquires painfully, little by little and without shortcuts, with study, discussion, and reasoning, those that can be verified and demonstrated. (394-395)

Makes you want me now I've gone. Kosher condom, anyone?

Like a party that's over before it's begun. Why is Sharon Stone at the Kotel? No, seriously, why the fuck is she kissing my wall?! She's not Jewish! WTF?!



I like how every WASPy, self-righteous, white actress think she can "take up the white man's burden" and miraculously fix everything. Maybe if she flashes the entire Mideast her vagina, it'll bring about peace.

Find out what it means to me. This is the kind of shit that pisses me off. "Traditionally Jewish women don't like sex but now we are known for giving head." Where in the hell did that come from? It's just as bad as any dragon lady asian or big-vagina black mammy stereotype. And this is even more insulting because it's coming from a Jew-produced magazine that's meant to "empower" us and discuss our "issues." These Jews think they have to prove themselves to a world that hates them. Instead of rebelling or giving the world the finger, they roll over and play the game. "I may be a Jew, but my penis is 18 feet long." It's Philip Roth, self-hating Jew, identity-crisis bullshit, and I refuse to be a part of it.

My issues do not rest with my need to "overcome" my Judaism by proving my mettle through my sexual prowess. My issues rest with my people degrading me be defining me as nothing more than a hoover-mouthed cum bin.

I will not accept this arrogant bigotry from the goyem, and I will not accept it from the tribe, either.

'Cause I got this thing for you. I have just learned that, in Israel, orthodox women learn how to crochet so they can make kepot to attract men. I have never heard of a more ridiculous way to entice a man than by crocheting him a frigging kepah.

Orthodox Judaism: I still don't get it.

I want somebody who sees me. I think today was the first time in years I actually got anything out of synagogue.

The Rosh Hashanah Haftarah portion discusses Hannah's silent yet fervent prayer for children. She is constantly taunted by her rival, her husband's other wife Peninnah, because Peninnah has two sons while Hannah has none. In the machsor's commentary, the rabbis and scholars focus on Hannah's prayer and the interpretation of her actions. But what no one seems to notice is that Hannah needs to bear a son to obtain socio-political standing within the community. She is part of a polygamous society where the birth of a male son equals security. Why don't any scholars talk about that?

What I do like, however, is that there is the possibility for discussion. All of our texts are allegories, and we are supposed to interpret and contemplate them. The rabbi talked about Adam's reaction after Cain's trial for killing his brother. Because Cain owned up to his sin by repenting, he was awarded clemency. Adam didn't do this. Adam could not say "Hineni"--Here I am. This is what Abraham says when he is called upon to sacrifice Isaac, and it is what Cain does when he repents. It is our obligation to follow Teshuvah, to say Hineni. And what does Hineni mean? What does it mean to say, "Here I am?"

I don't want to spend too much more time philosophizing on this. I don't want to take myself so seriously as to actually think I have an answer for any of these questions. But these thoughts make me go to a quiet place where it's just me, and I am humbled by the universe.