They love dirty laundry. Today in B-list Celebrity Sightings:

Mr. Cyclops himself, James Marsden crossing Broadway at 67th Street. He was talking on his cell phone, and his long, greasy hair was blowing in his face. It was not the prettiest picture.

The show that never ends. I went to work today even though I feel like crap. Apparently this is a cause for celebration in our household:

How you feel? You went to work even though you are under the weather. You are growing up!

My dad takes pride in the strangest things.

I've said it before, I'll say it again. Working is for chumps.

Beyond the sea. You have no idea how strange it is to be walking along, minding your own business, when suddenly there's a guy swimming around in a huge frigging fishbowl.



David Blaine, why are you so strange?

She wants to move. As I'm sure many of you do, I get some pretty annoying SPAM mail. I never actually read any of it, but I've noticed that there are a few SPAMers out there who are really going that extra mile to entertain me with their witty SPAM names. Today I received one such SPAM titled "She wants a better sex? All you need's here." Now bad grammar aside, this made me laugh so hard. Why? Because I was immediately reminded of all those 19th century French novels I had to read which call a woman's reproductive organs "the sex." So basically this SPAM just asked if "she," whoever she may be, would like a better vagina. I assume this is for some sort of vagina accoutrement store...New Vaginas 'R' Us?

I have shamelessly used a run-of-the-mill SPAM e-mail as an excuse to put the word "vagina" to gratuitous use. It is all downhill from here.

Looks like FIFA has jumped on the anti-semitic bandwagon.

FIFA has condemned Israel for an air strike on an empty soccer field in the Gaza Strip that was used for training exercises by Islamic Jihad and the al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade. This strike did not cause any injuries. But at the same time FIFA has refused to condemn a Palestinian rocket attack on an Israeli soccer field last week which did cause injuries....

[Jerome Champagne, FIFA's deputy general secretary, who personally condemned the Israeli attack] "wrote to the Jerusalem Post saying he couldn't possibly be biased against Israel because his wife was Jewish."

Fantastic. I fucking love it.

Welcome aboard, FIFA. You're in good company.

We used to be friends. I can't believe it. Jason Dohring is a Scientologist! Not my poor, sweet, beautiful Logan! How can this be?!

In addition, the above-mentioned list is a good reference of all celebrities you should no longer respect. Maybe the only way to curtail this whole Scientology epidemic is to boycott all entertainment industry members in any way affiliated with Xenu et. al.

Seriously people, Scientology bothers the heck out of me.

It may rain or it may shine. Today in Get the Hell Away From My Wall:



What the hell, Will Smith? Not only are you hanging out at my Wall, you interrupted a bar mitzvah with you paparazzi-inspiring celebrity. At least Sharon Stone dressed conservatively for her spectacle. Can't you leave the bling and the Kangol hat at home for one day? Have some respect, please.

I don't get it. I doubt the paparazzi would swarm some celebrity taking Holy Communion from the Pope, so why do they need to disrespect my sacred site in pursuit of mega-stardom? Is Judaism some sort of exotic circus attraction?

Calling to you. Today in B-List Celebrity Sightings:

Alexis Bledel crossing the street on her way out of Starbucks. I don't know if she wears color contacts or not, but her eyes are a really intense shade of blue. And, say it with me now, Much Shorter in Person.

Into this Earth. Today in Random Things I Saw While On My Way to Work:

There's this guy who takes the Express with me, and every time I see him, he's eating a Black and White cookie. Now, for those of you non-New Yorkers out there who have never had the good fortune to enjoy a Black and White (seriously, you are deprived), a Black and White is a mammoth cookie, half of which is frosted with vanilla and half of which is frosted with chocolate. It is a seriously delicious and rather large cookie, and I've often had one and been so stuffed I didn't need to eat dinner. Getting back to this guy, I've seen this guy twice already, and he never fails to disgust me. Not only is he eating a Black and White at 9 a.m., he shoves as much of the cookie in his mouth as possible before chomping down on the thing. He's not so much eating the cookie as he is inhaling the cookie. It is absolutely disgusting to watch, and I can only guess it's the epitome of stress-eating. Also, what a waste of a perfectly fantastic cookie.

Shivers up and down my spine. Seriously, why does the whole Cruise/Holmes baby thing give me the creeps? I mean, okay, Scientology? Totally creepy. Tom Cruise? Also creepy, in a repressed-homosexual-cult-member sort of way. Katie Holmes? Terrible actress; I never saw the appeal. So combine all these elements and it's just so creepy! If Katie Holmes really did give birth today, was she artificailly-inseminated? And if she wasn't, does this mean I'm supposed to assume that she and Tom actually had sex? Or did they simply buy a baby, which seems to be the standard defamer theory? Either way, the whole thing is just...Ew. Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP!

I turn my camera on. Today in B-List Celebrity Sightings:

During intermission at The Caine Mutiny this Saturday, which starred everyone's wet dream from the early '90s David Schwimmer, I happened to spot the beloved Baptist baby daddy from Saved! As is everyone in Hollywood, he was much shorter in person. I can now add this to my list of minor-stars-who-played-teen-gay-men-in-their-breakout-role-and-who-I-happened-to-stumble-upon-in-incredibly-random-situations. The best example of these being, of course, spotting Too Gay To Function at the Getty.

To deny yourself is so true to form. I have come to the realization that I would not look good in hot pants. Sigh. Life is so cruel.

I am not pretending. As promised to Zap, below find some rather thought-provoking commentary from the Afterward by Primo Levi from his memoirs, Surviving Auschwitz and The Reawakening.

In an authoritarian state...there is only one Truth, proclaimed from above; the newspapers are all alike, the all repeat the same one Truth. So do the radio stations, and you cannot listen to those of other countries. In the first place, since this is a crime, you risk ending up in prison. In the second place, the radio stations in your country send out jamming signals, on the appropriate wavelengths, that superimpose themselves on the foreign messages and prevent you from hearing them. As for books, only those that please the State are published and translated. You must seek any others on the outside and introduce them into your country at your own risk because they are considered more dangerous than drugs and explosives, and if they are found in your possession at the border, they are confiscated and you are punished. Books not in favor, or no longer in favor, are burned in public bonfires in town squares....In an authoritarian State it is considered permissible to alter the truth; to rewrite history retrospectively; to distort the news, suppress the truth, add the false. Propaganda is substituted for information. In fact, in such a country you are not a citizen possessor of rights but a subject, and as such you owe to the State (and to the dictator who represents it) fanatical loyalty and supine obedience. (377-378)

Everybody must know, or remember, that when Hitler and Mussolini spoke in public, they were believed, applauded, admired, adored like gods. They were "charismatic leaders;" they possessed a secret power of seduction that did not proceed from the credibility or the soundness of the things they said but from the suggestive way in which they said them, from their eloquence, from their histrionic art, perhaps instinctive, perhaps patiently learned and practiced. The ideas they proclaimed were not always the same and were, in general, aberrant or silly or cruel. And yet they were acclaimed with hosannahs and followed to the death by millions of the faithful. We must remember that these faithful followers, among them the diligent executors of inhuman orders, were not born torturers, were not born (with a few exceptions) monsters; they were ordinary men. Monsters exist, but they are too few in number to be truly dangerous. More dangerous are the common men, the functionaries ready to believe and to act without asking questions, like Eichmann [Hitler's propagandist]; like Hoss, the commandant of Auschwitz; like Stangl, the commandant of Treblinka...

It is, therefore, necessary to be suspicious of those who seek to convince us with means other than reason, and of charismatic leaders: we must be cautious about delegating to others our judgement and our will. Since it is difficult to distinguish true prophets from false, it is as well to regard all prophets with suspicion. It is better to renounce revealed truths, even if they exalt us by their splendor or if we find them convenient because we acquire them gratis. It is better to content oneself with other more modest and less exciting truths, those one acquires painfully, little by little and without shortcuts, with study, discussion, and reasoning, those that can be verified and demonstrated. (394-395)

Right here in town. Today in Random Things I Saw While Walking To Work:

1) This total douchebag sporting a Michael-Jackson-circa-Thriller red and black leather jacket was mucking around on a skateboard (!!!) this morning when he sort of tripped off it. It skidded out into the middle of Spring Street right as a Verizon telephone repair truck was cruising along and...SMASH. Death to skateboard! The hipster douche was rather put out, much to my joy and amusement.

2) One of the guys who works at the hardware store on Spring Street near Ben's Pizza on Thompson (or is it Sullivan?) commented to his hardware store employee buddies that I had a fat ass. Granted, my ass is rather shapely, but I would not call it fat. I will have to take a poll on this. Does this look like a fat ass to you?

T.L. 1, NYC 1.

Watch me make up my mind instead of my face. Courtesy of my step-mom:

Us girls are too dumb to do ANYTHING! And yet, we're supposed to be entrusted with children? Hmmm...their logic does not match our Earth logic.

I wonder if those phone numbers are correct. Anyone want to try it out?

I will be the vulture to its carion. This keeps cracking me up. Good golly.

No birth of no nation. Yet more reasons to get the hell outta this piece o' shit country, courtesy of Dan Savage:

Straight Rights Update: Earlier this month, Republicans in South Dakota successfully banned abortion in that state. Last week, the GOP-controlled state house of representatives in Missouri voted to ban state-funded family-planning clinics from dispensing birth control. "If you hand out contraception to single women," one Republican state rep told the Kansas City Star, "we're saying promiscuity is okay." On the federal level, Republicans are blocking the over-the-counter sale of emergency contraception and keeping a 100 percent effective HPV vaccine—a vaccine that will save the lives of thousands of women every year—from being made available.

The GOP's message to straight Americans: If you have sex, we want it to fuck up your lives as much as possible. No birth control, no emergency contraception, no abortion services, no life-saving vaccines. If you get pregnant, tough shit. You're going to have those babies, ladies, and you're going to make those child-support payments, gentlemen. And if you get HPV and it leads to cervical cancer, well, that's too bad. Have a nice funeral, slut.

What's it going to take to get a straight-rights movement off the ground? The GOP in Kansas is seeking to criminalize hetero heavy petting, for God's sake! Wake up and smell the freaking Holy War, breeders! The religious right hates heterosexuality just as much as it hates homosexuality. Fight back!

Makes you want me now I've gone. Kosher condom, anyone?

Cutest boy I ever saw. Holy crap, Jack Black eloped with one of the sisters from That Dog. How awesome is that?!

Like a party that's over before it's begun. Why is Sharon Stone at the Kotel? No, seriously, why the fuck is she kissing my wall?! She's not Jewish! WTF?!



I like how every WASPy, self-righteous, white actress think she can "take up the white man's burden" and miraculously fix everything. Maybe if she flashes the entire Mideast her vagina, it'll bring about peace.