I know what boys like. So maybe it's weird for me to post this, but I think it's really good advice. I know about a million guys who should have been told this when they were 15. Once again Dan Savage proves to be humanity's savior:

I am a 15-year-old boy and I've never had a girlfriend and I wanted to ask you personally, how do you get girls? Like the best way to get them, so they think I am interesting. I await your orders.

Teenager Going To Waste

There's nothing I enjoy more than ordering around the odd teenage boy, TGTW, which I've been doing in this space since you were packin' diapers. In fact, a couple of years back I gave orders to a 15-year-old boy who asked pretty much the same question: How do I get girls? A lot of people wrote in to tell me they thought my response was terrific--that kid should be about 18 now, and if he took my advice he should be up to his eyebrows in pussy--so I'm going to give you the same advice I gave him…

You're having a hard time getting girls. That sucks. I remember what it was like when I was 15 and wanted boys and couldn't get any. It sucked. But the sad fact is that most 15-year-old boys are repulsive--that is, most 15-year-old boys are awkward, half-formed works-in-progress. The fact that girls physically mature more quickly than boys means most girls your age already look like young women and they're attracted to older boys--and there you are, aching for your first girlfriend, but still looking like a short, hairless chimp.

But don't despair, TGTW. Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime here's what you need to do: Worry less about getting your 15-year-old self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible; read so that you'll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you're interesting is to actually be interesting); and get out of the house and do shit--political shit, sporty shit, arty shit--so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.

Some more orders: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and read all about birth control and STDs, and learn enough about female anatomy that you'll be able to find a clitoris in the dark. Masturbate in moderation--no more than 10 times a day--and vary your masturbatory routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. A vagina does not feel like a clenched fist, TGTW, nor does a mouth, an anus, tit fucking, dry humping, or e-stim. If you don't want to be sending me another pathetic letter in five years complaining about your inability to come unless you're beating your own meat, TGTW, you will vary your routine now so that you'll be able to respond to different kinds of sexual stimulation once you do start getting the girls. Good luck, kiddo.

Break away. First of all, ha!

Second of all, can you spot how many things are just...WRONG about this? And why the crap aren't there any "Saving It" boxer shorts? All the undies are for girls, which is a classic example of gender script ideology - women are the gatekeepers to sex who must control their male partners. My WOST senses are tingling.

Fashion Takes a Vow of Chastity
Monday, March 21, 2005
By C. Spencer Beggs

Underwear. It can say "I'm sexy." It can say "I'm confident." But can it say "I'm waiting for marriage?"

That's what Yvette Thomas is banking on. Her growing line of clothing, WaitWear, plasters slogans like "Virginity Lane: Exit When Married" and "Notice: No Trespassing On This Property. My Father Is Watching" on underwear and T-shirts, and is meant to inspire young people to abstain from sex until they tie the knot.

"[Abstinence] makes so much of a difference in an individual's life and the choices that they make, and especially at a young age," said Thomas, 39.

WaitWear is currently rolling into more and more retail stores, and Thomas is determined that the company will do a little more than $2 million in sales this year — up from a mere $4,000 in 2004.

But can panties and T-shirts really help a person wait for marriage? And isn't the whole point of wearing underwear with slogans on it to have it be seen?

Ashley Littlefield, 20, a junior at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana — where sex is prohibited by the student code of conduct — sees some hypocrisy in anti-sex skivvies.

"The underwear line is the most illogical part of the whole [WaitWear Web] site. Shouldn't it read: 'If You Can Read This, I'm Probably Not Waiting Until Marriage?'" she said.

But Thomas, who launched WaitWear in the fall of 2002, looks at the undies as more of a memo to self — and she does think they can be effective in delaying sexual activity.

"It's not used to be a barrier; WaitWear is something that is used as a reminder," Thomas said. "[Young people] need to have a bold message that says: 'Yes, this is what I've committed to and this is going to help me remember.'"

Thomas, a practicing evangelical Christian and never-married mother of three, vowed in 1999 to remain abstinent until marriage. However, sticking to her commitment has not always been easy, and much of the inspiration for WaitWear came from her personal struggle with keeping her vow.

"One day I woke up and realized: What type of example am I giving to my son? And I have to be an example," Thomas said. "I can't tell my son to abstain from sex if [I'm] not doing it [myself]."

Thomas is not alone in her effort to bring abstinence into the pop culture conversation. Reality TV queen and singing star Jessica Simpson was very public about her decision to remain a virgin until marriage, and more recently, youth-oriented television shows like "Gilmore Girls" and "Summerland" have featured characters who want to wait.

Moreover, chastity movements like True Love Waits, which urge to students sign pledge cards promising to abstain, have grown increasingly visible on American high school and college campuses over the last decade.

True Love Waits co-founder Jimmy Hester, 57, agrees with Thomas that wearing your heart on your sleeve — literally — can be a good way to support teens taking a vow of abstinence.

"One of the key parts of [successful abstinence education] is follow-up, support and encouragement," he said. "One of the ways that we've discovered in the past 11 years is to carry the message through a key part of the teens' culture: the music, the movies, the Internet and, of course, clothing."

But Lauren F. Winner, whose upcoming book "Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity" takes a candid look at remaining abstinent in modern times, is of two minds about the line.

"On the one hand, I think recognizing that our clothes tell stories about us and thinking intentionally about what stories we want to tell is wise and generally right on," said Winner, a 28-year-old evangelical Christian. "On the other hand, I think the relationship between advertising, consumerism and exploitative sexuality is insidious. I wonder if the WaitWear line cedes too much to a culture that wants to turn our very clothes and bodies into billboards and ads."

Winner also thinks we have to be more straightforward with kids about how hard it is to refrain from sex.

"I think we have to engage today's teens where they are and stop cloaking our chastity talk in euphemism. Teens today are edgy and cagey and are wise to spin," she said. "We have to be willing to speak honestly about the real challenges they may be facing in their attempts to live chastely."

Indeed, Littlefield, barely out of her teens herself, finds the WaitWear slogans "insulting."

"Apparently, teenagers can't be sold on any idea unless it comes with clever catchphrases on reasonably priced T-shirts," she said. "Since when is it acceptable to advertise your sexual status on your shirt? This is as distasteful as a girl showing up to school in an 'Open for Business' shirt."

But despite her critics, Thomas is working on a new line of WaitWear that extends beyond T-shirts and underwear. She won't reveal the details, but one thing is certain:

"It will be a positive message you can surround yourself with," she said.

Give it to me. Coming to a tabloid near you: "Entire Lesbian W. Class of 2005 Lands in Hospital After Drunken Graduation Orgy Binge."

In other news, community dinner is stupid.

Let go of this pride. I spent all Sunday hung over after Dyke Ball. Not all moments can be shining moments.

However, I don't think that warrants the Boston Herald and a load of other local news affiliates using us as front page fodder. "Lusty Lesbian Bash" my ass. Why can't you stupid, ignorant people deal with the fact that women do NOT need men to have a good time. I think it is disgusting that a party celebrating homosexuality which just so happens to take place at a reputable women's college needs so much media attention. Eleven students going to the hospital with alcohol poisoning is a Wednesday night at Syracuse University, 'aight? So don't give me any shit about how we're so depraved because I will seriously stomp on your balls. You and your misogyny are not welcome in my universe.

T: I love how they make sure to specify that EVIL GAY PEOPLE were involved
E: and now the administration is thinknig of banning all parties that have high alcohol related problems, which is such CRAP
T: well, they're going to ban the harvard-yale tailgate, too. we will have to send our children to college in an alternate universe where fun is permitted
E: why in the fuck are they just bending over for the media? no one can take it when women act like men
T: women having fun = SAPPHIC LESBIAN ACTION!!!! XXX!!! FOOTAGE AT ELEVEN!!!!
E: And W. women act like men: We drink, we fuck, we are ambitious, we are aggressive, and we're not going to make you a fucking sandwich
T: Just like how people hate it when gay men act like straight men
E: I say castration for everyone! Unic pride! Seriously, you're all so fucking threatened by a little girl-on-girl action, you don't deserve to own a penis. I'm sorry, you are not a man.

Party almost out of time. Like many of you, I hated 2004. It was the shittiest year in the history of my years. I was so excited to kick it in the butt and give it the finger, but now it seems that Drew has made an interesting discovery:



Way to go, China. Jeeeez.

I'm gonna blow you away. YES! *pumps fist in air* Viva la revolution!

I don't know what to do about this dream and you. Grumble^6 * Grumble!

E: How am I supposed to write the intro to a paper when i don't even know what i'm introducing?
Dani: I know! Voila le bullshit
E: Like whoa

E: Grumble grumble why is my body so inscrutable grumble
Gwax: That's the unfortunate way things work
E: I blame men. I don't know why, but I'm sure it's your fault somehow
Gwax: Okay. Blame away but I'm required by conspiracy to deny everything
E: "One of us! One of us!"

The hollow jackpot of your rich kid games. These are just...whoa. I am speechless (Also the grammar and punctuation - not so hot):

Campus Progress’ Top Seven Favorite Quotes from Abstinence-Only Curricula

Many abstinence-only curricula are riddled with assorted tidbits of misinformation, scientific untruths, and outrageous gender stereotyping. Though the scientifically inaccurate sections give us greatest cause for serious concern – i.e. a portion of the WAIT training curriculum that claims HIV can be transmitted through sweat and tears – a number of medieval sounding quotations on relationships and sexuality also made our favorites list.

"Because they generally become aroused less easily, females are in a good position to help young men learn balance in relationships by keeping intimacy in perspective."
Sex Respect, Student Workbook

"[R]esearch confirms that 14 percent of the women who use condoms scrupulously for birth control become pregnant within a year."
Choosing the Best, The Big Talk Book
(In fact, when used correctly, condoms are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy and up to 99% effective in preventing STDs including HIV.)

"Watch what you wear, if you don’t aim to please, don’t aim to tease."
Sex Respect, Student Workbook

"The first player spins the cylinder, points the gun to his/her head, and pulls the trigger. He/she has only one in six chances of being killed. But if one continues to perform this act, the camber with the bullet will ultimately fall into position under the hammer, and the game ends as one of the players dies. Relying on condoms is like playing Russian roulette."
Me, My World, My Future

"The liberation movement has produced some aggressive girls today, and one of the tough challenges for guys how say no will be the questioning of their manliness."
Sex Respect, Student Workbook

"There is no way to have premarital sex without hurting someone."
Sex Respect, Student Workbook

"Just as a woman needs to feel a man’s devotion to her, a man has a primary need to feel a woman’s admiration. To admire a man is to regard him with wonder, delight, and approval. A man feels admired when his unique characteristics and talents happily amaze her."
WAIT Training (This sounds like something my mom would say)

We ain't too pretty, we ain't too proud. So after a rambling, repetative, somewhat incoherent lecture given by the one and only Betty Friedan (Feminine Mystique what), this is what I have gleaned as to what is in store for feminism:

1) Just as women have been freed from their submissiveness, men need to be freed from machoness. This is why women live on average seven years longer than men. Macho is bad for your health.
2) Women earn 50% of the pay on average per household, but men only do 25% of the child rearing. Step up, guys.
3) Men control society but that women are concerned with the details of society. For society to continue to function cohesively, the feminine perspective has to be placed in greater esteem. This is why so many corporations make their CEOs do sensitivity training.
4) Eventually men and women will not be defined by their difference. Men and women will become more alike and take on the characteristics of the other sex, thus being able to live out their full potential as human beings and not simply as gendered archetypes (This one I actually believe. Hottttt).
5) The ERA will finally be ratified when there is a woman president (ha! good fucking luck!)
6) Revolution is fun!

I'm into you. Get into me. Current status: Drunk! Wooo! Current mood: Angry/ freaking out/ fucking horny. But this is funny:

E: ...I think I'm kinda drunk
L(Y): Eh? How so?
E: Cuz I am drinking, and I think I started ovulating today, which would explain my sudden fluctuation in appetite.
L(Y): Heh. Just came off that estrogen high a couple days ago
E: Why must I eat so much when I ovulate? Why God, why? Why must I become fat so as to disgust potential mates? Seems antithetical. That's it! It's a sign! God does not want me to breed!

Also, this is retarculous, but cute:

E: Is your internet still broken?
Gwax: Yup. Hopefully it'l be better soon
E: Boo. I want da photos. Cuz you are cute. And I am cute. So cute+cute=2cute
Gwax: Oh man, I like you and I love you and I'm in love with you and I miss you
E: Cuz I turned us into an algebra equation?
Gwax: No, just in general
E: Oh. I thought it was nerd love.

Like puzzle pieces from the clay. Can I get out of my Arthurian Legends midterm for being too sexy to take a test? Please? Can someone write me a note?

Gabbro: So yeah, I have to look at Geoffrey and the handouts. That sounds like a band name
E: Geoffrey and the handouts! My favorite 1950s rock n' roll band
G: AHHHHH!
E: I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING!!!
G: dude!
E: I know
G: Geoffrey and the handouts, live in concert
E: woooooo! I've got my lighter
G: I've got my overpriced crappy band apparel
E: awesome! We are total fangirls
G: *squeals*
E: *tries to storm stage*
G: *hurls her underwear at the drummer*
E: I love you, Nennius!

I'm just a box in a cage. Hélas!

As you can tell, I have been reading too many 17th century French tragedies. Corneille has infiltrated my brain with his theories on la gloire masculine et l'immortalité. But I do get to go to a sex toy workshop with Bartonio in an hour. Huzzah! Happy V-Day to me!

In other news, I have decided that if you don't know what NOW is, you should be shot for crimes against sisterhood.

In other other news, I have decided I should be shot because every time I go to a meeting, I volunteer for something. Hence I am now co-chairing the decorating committee for the last day of classes. Why must I always be busy? Curses!

Who's the one to blame? Word. Fucking word, T!

I believe most Americans voted for John Kerry. I believe the exit polls that indicated a massive Kerry landslide. I believe Americans saw through the Republican propaganda machine and rejected it. I believe the heart and core of America is guided by a deeper and better wisdom than what the cynics tell us. All interpretations of this so-called Bush victory brand us as cowards, bigots, or idiots. I don't believe their analysis. I don't believe their results. I don't believe that gender panic and "moral values" caused Americans to vote for more war, more torture, more corporate power. I don't believe Americans turned their backs on the world. I don't believe Americans care only about American casualties. I don't believe we have closed our hearts to the suffering of others. I believe Americans have a capacity for compassion and generosity, for heroism and self-sacrifice that puts to shame all the warmongering and fearmongering of the current regime. I believe the great legacy of 9/11 was the immediate sense of community and connectedness and willingness to understand the rage against America. I believe that glimpse of universal brotherhood, not the march to war, was the true face of humanity. This is my article of faith. This is my faith-based opinion. This is my gut instinct.

Mine, too.

Moving up slowly. *Shrug* Makes sense.

You scored as Lust. Lust 56% Pride 38% Sloth 31% Envy 13% Gluttony 13% Wrath 6% Greed 6% Seven deadly sins created with QuizFarm.com

Does everyone here do the same? Thank the lord Natalie Dee noticed this. I thought I was taking crazy pills.

I'm the center of attention in the walls inside my head. I currently have a dog in my lap. Is there anything better in this world?

In honor of the restful break I've enjoyed, I'm in the mood for lists...

Things I love, in no particular order (I am omitting the obvious like friends, family, world peace, etc.)

• Act two of "Pirates of Penzance"


• My dog, except when he growls at me


• Self-proclaimed male feminists


• Winter sports (e.g. skiing)


• PBS


• MoMA's fifth floor


• Slave to the Grind


• Dan Savage


• Diesel Sweeties


• Books!


• New CDs


• Singing in my car...but only when I'm alone


• VH1, especially VH1 Europe


• My hometown public library's DVD collection

Things I Hate, in no particular order (omitting the obvious like war, fascism, sexism, Republicans, etc)

• Maroon 5


• Anything involving Bush (this includes Texas)


• Men who lack self-confidence and take it out on me. At the same time, players.


• "The Speech." Seriously, the next time I hear it, I'm just gonna peace on you.


• Dust bunnies


• Breast implants


• All ads for medication (Yesterday I saw one for breast implants, and I felt violated)


• That painful first day


• Waxing profound. Just be stupid. There's no shame!


• Love handles, especially on me


• Single-blade razors. What's the point?


• Grammar mistakes, especially those involving punctuation and "entitled" versus "titled."

Gonna speed it down and slow it up. Shamelessly stolen away message:

A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?"

A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want out of life is four little animals."

The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be, sugar?"

The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

The teacher fainted...

Fabulous! I think that if this whole self-sufficient career thing doesn't work out, I am going to aim for marrying rich. I think it's a perfectly valid Plan B, even if I am a WOSTie.

I hope you dance. My two favorite people just combined to make three! A new little boy in our wacky, extended family...I could just cry for joy.

Too much tripping and my soul's worn thin. From Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho:

"Why is it that men only think about sex, instead of doing what you did with me and finding out how I feel?"

"Who said we only think about sex? On the contrary, we spend years of our life trying to convince ourselves that sex is actually important to us. We learn about love from prostitutes and virgins; we tell our stories to whoever will listen; when we are older, we parade about with much younger lovers, just to prove to others that we really are what women expect us to be.

"But do you know something? That's simply not true. We understand nothing. We think that sex and ejaculation are the same thing and, as you just said, they're not. We don't learn because we haven't the courage to say to the woman: show me your body. We don't learn because the woman doesn't have the courage to say: this is what I like. We are stuck with out primitive instincts, and that's that. Absurd though it may seem, do you know what is more important than sex for a man?"

I thought it might be money or power, but I said nothing.

"Sport. Because a man can understand another man's body. We can see that sport is a dialogue between two bodies that understand each other."

"You're mad."

"Maybe. But it makes sense. Have you stopped to think about the feelings of the men you've been to bed with?"

"Yes, I have. They were all insecure. They were all afraid."

"Worse than afraid, they were vulnerable. They didn't know what they were doing, they only knew what society, friends and women themselves had told them was important. Sex, sex, sex, that's the basis of life, scream the advertisements, other people, films, books. No one knows what they're talking about. Since instinct is stronger than all of us, all they know is that it has to be done. And that's that." (257-258)

I want you to take me out. Update on my life in the wake of finals and in the long lull of wintersession. Yes, it is just so... yeah...

JBL: Good. Crushes on you are in fact the correct way to go.