It was sure nice talking to you, dad. In case there was any leftover confusion as to why I am so very strange, here's another clue:

Me: See, you can talk to me about sports! you don't need a son :-P
Dad: Sigh. With a son I could have a few brewskies and go to a strip club after the game.
Me: I don't even want to think about that
Dad: I know. It's that male bondage thing.
Me: ew
Dad: I'll buy you a lap dance, next time we go together.
Me: *vomit*

But I got shit to do. Okay, time to bitch. I am sooooo sick of these girls complaining about how they have no boyfriends. Just. Shut. UP. These stupid twits are constantly complain about how it's too much "work" to find boyfriends so they should just go gay blah blah blah horny-cakes. Well, you know what ladies, I have news for you. Going to a co-ed school does not automatically mean that you will have a boyfriend! Tada! These stupid girls remind me of my friend freshman year of high school who expected to be issued a boyfriend the minute she walked into school because that's what always seemed to happen on "Saved By the Bell."

Guess what, ladies. Finding a decent guy to date is hard! You have to go out on dates, put yourself out there and "kiss a lot of frogs." Your ridiculous naïveté regarding the opposite sex is beyond irritating. Please, stop clogging up our conferences with your belly-aching. You want to meet a guy? Go out on a date. Ask that hot guy at the party for his phone number. Make friends. Basically, LEAVE YOUR FUCKING ROOM ON WEEKENDS. Because, honey, even if you went to a co-ed school, sitting in your room on weekends watching Colin Firth movies won't do a damn thing.

So, please, do us all a favor. Shut the hell UP!

3...2...1... Why is The Onion always spot-on?


Schwarzenegger Elected First Horseman Of The Apocalypse