Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Watch me make up my mind instead of my face. Courtesy of my step-mom:

Us girls are too dumb to do ANYTHING! And yet, we're supposed to be entrusted with children? Hmmm...their logic does not match our Earth logic.

I wonder if those phone numbers are correct. Anyone want to try it out?

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I will be the vulture to its carion. This keeps cracking me up. Good golly.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

No birth of no nation. Yet more reasons to get the hell outta this piece o' shit country, courtesy of Dan Savage:

Straight Rights Update: Earlier this month, Republicans in South Dakota successfully banned abortion in that state. Last week, the GOP-controlled state house of representatives in Missouri voted to ban state-funded family-planning clinics from dispensing birth control. "If you hand out contraception to single women," one Republican state rep told the Kansas City Star, "we're saying promiscuity is okay." On the federal level, Republicans are blocking the over-the-counter sale of emergency contraception and keeping a 100 percent effective HPV vaccine—a vaccine that will save the lives of thousands of women every year—from being made available.

The GOP's message to straight Americans: If you have sex, we want it to fuck up your lives as much as possible. No birth control, no emergency contraception, no abortion services, no life-saving vaccines. If you get pregnant, tough shit. You're going to have those babies, ladies, and you're going to make those child-support payments, gentlemen. And if you get HPV and it leads to cervical cancer, well, that's too bad. Have a nice funeral, slut.

What's it going to take to get a straight-rights movement off the ground? The GOP in Kansas is seeking to criminalize hetero heavy petting, for God's sake! Wake up and smell the freaking Holy War, breeders! The religious right hates heterosexuality just as much as it hates homosexuality. Fight back!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Makes you want me now I've gone. Kosher condom, anyone?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Cutest boy I ever saw. Holy crap, Jack Black eloped with one of the sisters from That Dog. How awesome is that?!

Like a party that's over before it's begun. Why is Sharon Stone at the Kotel? No, seriously, why the fuck is she kissing my wall?! She's not Jewish! WTF?!

I like how every WASPy, self-righteous, white actress think she can "take up the white man's burden" and miraculously fix everything. Maybe if she flashes the entire Mideast her vagina, it'll bring about peace.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Absolutely nothing. Either I've become a bad feminist, or I'm too jaded and cynical to become upset by this country's inanity anymore, but this really doesn't upset me. Why? Because it's a cheap political ploy meant to challenge a pre-existing judicial statute. We all knew this was coming the minute Alito was confirmed, so, really, I'm not surprised. Although, I am intrigued by the fact that I'm just not upset by it. Maybe my father's incredibly jaded and acerbic political viewpoint has finally warped my brain, but the truth is that I will always be able to get an abortion should I need one. I'll always find a way to get enough money to go to Canada or France or some other non-Puritanical, non-classist, non-racist, non-oligarchical, non-misogynist country. So, here's the thing. If the nation keeps electing these Puritanical, classist, racist, oligarchical, misogynist politicians who are going out of their way to screw them over, why should I care? Now, as many of you know, I am big on the election day conspiracy thoeries (No paper trail, people! It's the perfect crime). My state legalized abortion before Roe v. Wade. Do you really think that, even if Roe v. Wade was overturned, it would seriously be an end to abortion across the country? Do you think that California or Oregon or Massachusetts would go along with it? Not likely.

Now, as a big ol' WOSTie, I know all about the poor women who don't or can't vote and who don't have access to birth control and how everyone is racist and how it is my job to protect them blah blah blah. Maybe my progressive liberal spirit has been broken, or maybe I just can't be bothered to give a shit anymore about this bullshit country. Land of freedom my ass.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I want to always feel like part of this was mine. Best estimation of the situation I've heard yet, courtesy of Dan Matt Bob:

"Maybe it's good insanity. Passion."

My life is delicious.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Wrap me up. Here's the thing about my office that pisses me off: It's like motherfuckin' high school up in here! Seriously. All the EAs are painfully clique-y. They do that thing where they go up to one EA and ask if she wants to go to lunch, but all the other EAs can here her because we all work in cubicles. Everyone whispers behind everyone else's back, and one of my co-workers tattled on me to my boss for making too many personal phone calls. The cute blonde guy who I liked until he told me in his I-have-clearly-never-met-a-Jew-before awkwardness that I am "God's people" is trying to fuck the EA in the cubicle too my left. Today he told her that he liked her last name (!!!) and then he invited her to a bar with a bunch of other corporate drones.

This is exactly like high school, in fact. I again feel overlooked by the "popular people" who I don't necessarily want to talk to, anyway. I again feel hopelessly out-of-touch, fashion-wise. And I again feel like I have too much free time on the weekends. This is crap. I went to a women's college exactly to avoid ever feeling this kind of crap again, and now I'm smack stuck in the middle of it. Sigh. At least this time around I get paid to be here.