Friday, July 27, 2007

She's the face on the radio. In answer to that age-old question of what happens to Communist dictators once their regimes have been overthrown, apparently they go on to have very lucrative careers in fashion. That's right, the former leader of Communist Russia is now a spokesmodel for Louis Vuitton handbags. Maybe that's why communism failed. How good can your political ideology be if your leader goes ahead and turns around and starts endorsing the epitome of capitalism and conspicuous consumption?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Have no fears, we've got stories for years. The AV Club staff seems to have gone off the deep end with their Simpsons love-in. With the movie opening this week, I guess they can't really be blamed, but the in-depth debate about the show's continued existence is particularly geeky. Not nearly as geeky as the types of Simpsons merchandise out there, of course. "Eat My Shorts" Cereal? Really? But who am I to judge? Apparently The Simpsons is the best cultural critic ever and is generally better than everything else in the entire universe. Pretty good for a 22-minute cartoon, eh?

Sunday, July 22, 2007

She's in fashion. I don't usually argue with the Washington Post, but I seriously doubt that Hilary Clinton was trying to show off any cleavage when she wore this shirt. Here's a news flash: Women have breasts. When women wear v-neck shirts, sometimes some of the tops of our boobs peaks out. This does not mean we are trying to "show off" our cleavage or making a statement about our sexuality. Frankly, the fact that Hilary Clinton's wearing a slightly low-cut shirt warrants news coverage is almost as ridiculous as the media circus that surrounded John Kerry's adoption of the Live Strong yellow wristband.

As a rebuttal to this ridiculous piece, I'd like to point out Slate's recent examination of what happens when Hilary Clinton is insulted. Apparently, it strengthens her popularity among the ladies. I am not sure whether the Post meant to insult Clinton, but the minutia of the exploration certainly made me uncomfortable. In general, I do not enjoy it when I am minding my own business and someone draws unnecessary attention to my femininity. It is inappropriate and unnerving, exactly how this Post article made me feel. Eesh.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

School's out for summer. Augustus Caesar isn't going to like this one bit.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Take it to the taxman. Listen, people. Stop saying that President Bush should "fire" Dick Cheney. The Vice President can't be fired. He is not a Presidential appointee, he's an elected official. Read the Twelfth Amendment, for crying out loud. We have a written Constitution for a reason!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I'll be your whatever you want. Having lived in the region for the past six months, I can tell you that this is an oversimplified answer to a complex problem. Via Facebook group Lezbollah, hot women from different Middle-East-Peace-Process ethnic backgrounds will send in pictures of themselves getting it on and, thus, inspire the rest of us to put down our weapons. After all, what's more inspirational than girl-on-girl action?

I'm pretty sure that most traditional Arabs and Jews would take offense to lesbian hook-ups, even if they are multi-cultural and, therefore, awesome. Also, I am compelled to point out the exploitation here: Why do women always have to pretend to be gay to get men to do what they want? As usual, the only tool with which women can prarticipate when it comes to compromise is our sexuality--or pseudo-lesbian posturing, as the case may be.

Leave me lying here 'cause I don't wanna go. I will not be mourning the end of Jane magazine. Jane was originally designed as the daughter of Sassy, which, according to everything I've read, was rather innovative and irreverent. Jane, however, is mass-marketed faux-feminism. Every time I've picked it up, it's been full of nothing but painfully-expensive, blink-and-you'll-miss-it fashion trends and terrible advice for all you "feminists" out there. The most recent issue contains a how-to guide for detox dieting. Any doctor worth her degree will tell you that a detox diet is harmful to your health. But this is not the first time Jane has given its readers step-by-step instructions on how to perform arguably-unhealthy acts. Some years ago I remember reading a guide to one-night stands. For a magazine that releases reports on STIs, it's ironic that they would trumpet an activity which is a fantastic way to get you sick.

I suppose Jane does appeal to a New York City subculture of mid-20s young women who are sexually active but not necessarily in relationships, who are fashion-conscious and see nothing wrong with spending money on shoes instead of investing in a 401k plan. I'm not condemning this way of life; however, I think that it's irresponsible and untrue to say that Jane speaks to its readers with a feminist voice. Bitch magazine, the real feminist successor to Sassy and an amazing read if you can find it, outlines it much better than I can: "Jane is like the girl in your homeroom who chats with you pleasantly enough but always manages to mention that her skirt cost more than yours....An old, advertiser-smooching, beauty-product-hawking, celebrity-ass-kissing, skinny-model-filled old friend in a new, faux-iconoclastic, hypocritical, self-congratulatory hat."

Monday, July 09, 2007

Well, I just need a little space to breathe. Someone explain to me why anyone would buy an iPhone. I don't get it. Yes, it's shiny and new and... I honestly can't think of a single other reason this is desirable. From this article, you can see why the gadget isn't revolutionary. It has a tremendous amount of pitfalls, the price being number one on my list, second being the fact that AT&T's cellular service is spotty at best. But perhaps the single biggest turn-off is recounted in this Apple-addict's ode:

While I couldn't find my favorite YouTube video (of rocker Jenny Lewis performing "The Frug," live), I was able to watch some very popular videos and chuckle softly to myself while waiting for a smoothie. The Season 3 finale of Lost looked vastly better on my iPhone than on my video iPod--so good, in fact, that it made one friendly stranger gasp.

How pathetic of a person are you that you cannot stand on line at Jamba Juice without watching a video? Furthermore, how pathetic of a person are you that you feel the need to pay Apple $10 for the privilege of watching a TV show ABC lets you watch for free on their website? How much constant stimulation does a person need? It's like the entire country has become afflicted with ADD, and the only cure is the newest iProduct.

I'm not saying I am free from the pull of crass-consumerism and materialism, but at least I have the good sense to recognize that Apple's products aren't as amazing as the media would have you believe. My iPod, and the iPods of most of the people I know, broke within the first year or a few months after the warranty expired, and I won't even go into the terrible battery-life. But love of all things Apple is nothing new, and most people seem more than happy to ignore the problems for love of the pretty packaging.

The biggest concern for me is that all this electronic gadgetry will create a world of unhealthy non-thinkers. According to the Franklin Institute, television makes your brain go into "neutral." Overexposure to computer screens causes eyestrain. Not to mention the connection between headphones and hearing loss. My point is that this constant exposure to gadgets is ultimately harming our health, our brain function, and our creativity. So wouldn't it be better if we put down our supped-up phones and had a conversation with a real person every now and then? I mean, how can iPhone "revolutionize" the way people communicate if we're spending all our time watching YouTube and shuffling through our MP3 collection, not to mention the fact that it doesn't work as a phone?

Sunday, July 08, 2007

If you want to go to hell, you should take a trip. I realize some of my recent posts make me seem like something of a prude, but there are just some things I don't need or want to know. For example, I do not need to see or even think about Bart Simpson's penis. How in the heck is this necessary? This is the ultimate example of a case of too-much-information.

Unfortunately, this is not a publicity stunt. More information here.

Monday, July 02, 2007

I'm a sinner, I'm a saint. You call this news analysis? I think the author was giving the President's family a verbal blow job. Or does she have a girl-crush on Jenna Bush?

Come on, CNN! The President of Israel is going to plea bargain his way out of serving jail time for rape. Hamas is throwing people off buildings. The airport in Glasgow was bombed. There's a genocide going on in Darfur. Lindsay Lohan just got out of rehab. Write about something important!

Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down. It is my humble opinion that when Time magazine creates a word count as to the latest post-jail Paris Hilton interview, we have officially reached oversaturation. I mean, I expect her to be on the cover of People. I even expect CNN to send me breaking-news updates via e-mail about her antics. But the fact that Time actually went throught the Larry King Live transcript and counted how many times she uttered the word "yes" during her interview (45 times, apparently) is just going too far! I mean, Paris Hilton is, was, and always will be nothing more than an uninteresting blob of flesh. Must we rub it in?

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Our days and our nights. Another part of my inner child just died, except this time it drowned in a pool of its own vomit. I don't want to give this (or the upcoming reality show) any more exposure than it deserves, but suffice it to say that I am deeply disturbed. Deeply. Painfully.

It gives that Charles in Charge theme song a whole new, vivid connotation, doesn't it? And do we have to involve poor little Joanie in this? Ew.

Where do we go from here. I admit that I wasn't as jazzed about the musical episode as some people apparently are, but I am not going to stand in their way. I think it would be fantastic if this went the way of Rocky Horror and we could all dress up like our favorite character. I could bust out some crazy witch-cum-lesbian flowy dress thing, or maybe some hot leather pants. Or just sport some fangs. Awesomeness, thy name is costuming. So, even though I am not quite the fangirl, I say sing on, proud cult following. Sing on.