Tuesday, March 29, 2005

I know what boys like. So maybe it's weird for me to post this, but I think it's really good advice. I know about a million guys who should have been told this when they were 15. Once again Dan Savage proves to be humanity's savior:

I am a 15-year-old boy and I've never had a girlfriend and I wanted to ask you personally, how do you get girls? Like the best way to get them, so they think I am interesting. I await your orders.

Teenager Going To Waste

There's nothing I enjoy more than ordering around the odd teenage boy, TGTW, which I've been doing in this space since you were packin' diapers. In fact, a couple of years back I gave orders to a 15-year-old boy who asked pretty much the same question: How do I get girls? A lot of people wrote in to tell me they thought my response was terrific--that kid should be about 18 now, and if he took my advice he should be up to his eyebrows in pussy--so I'm going to give you the same advice I gave him…

You're having a hard time getting girls. That sucks. I remember what it was like when I was 15 and wanted boys and couldn't get any. It sucked. But the sad fact is that most 15-year-old boys are repulsive--that is, most 15-year-old boys are awkward, half-formed works-in-progress. The fact that girls physically mature more quickly than boys means most girls your age already look like young women and they're attracted to older boys--and there you are, aching for your first girlfriend, but still looking like a short, hairless chimp.

But don't despair, TGTW. Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime here's what you need to do: Worry less about getting your 15-year-old self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible; read so that you'll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you're interesting is to actually be interesting); and get out of the house and do shit--political shit, sporty shit, arty shit--so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.

Some more orders: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and read all about birth control and STDs, and learn enough about female anatomy that you'll be able to find a clitoris in the dark. Masturbate in moderation--no more than 10 times a day--and vary your masturbatory routine. I can't emphasize this last point enough. A vagina does not feel like a clenched fist, TGTW, nor does a mouth, an anus, tit fucking, dry humping, or e-stim. If you don't want to be sending me another pathetic letter in five years complaining about your inability to come unless you're beating your own meat, TGTW, you will vary your routine now so that you'll be able to respond to different kinds of sexual stimulation once you do start getting the girls. Good luck, kiddo.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Break away. First of all, ha!

Second of all, can you spot how many things are just...WRONG about this? And why the crap aren't there any "Saving It" boxer shorts? All the undies are for girls, which is a classic example of gender script ideology - women are the gatekeepers to sex who must control their male partners. My WOST senses are tingling.

Fashion Takes a Vow of Chastity
Monday, March 21, 2005
By C. Spencer Beggs

Underwear. It can say "I'm sexy." It can say "I'm confident." But can it say "I'm waiting for marriage?"

That's what Yvette Thomas is banking on. Her growing line of clothing, WaitWear, plasters slogans like "Virginity Lane: Exit When Married" and "Notice: No Trespassing On This Property. My Father Is Watching" on underwear and T-shirts, and is meant to inspire young people to abstain from sex until they tie the knot.

"[Abstinence] makes so much of a difference in an individual's life and the choices that they make, and especially at a young age," said Thomas, 39.

WaitWear is currently rolling into more and more retail stores, and Thomas is determined that the company will do a little more than $2 million in sales this year — up from a mere $4,000 in 2004.

But can panties and T-shirts really help a person wait for marriage? And isn't the whole point of wearing underwear with slogans on it to have it be seen?

Ashley Littlefield, 20, a junior at the University of Notre Dame in Indiana — where sex is prohibited by the student code of conduct — sees some hypocrisy in anti-sex skivvies.

"The underwear line is the most illogical part of the whole [WaitWear Web] site. Shouldn't it read: 'If You Can Read This, I'm Probably Not Waiting Until Marriage?'" she said.

But Thomas, who launched WaitWear in the fall of 2002, looks at the undies as more of a memo to self — and she does think they can be effective in delaying sexual activity.

"It's not used to be a barrier; WaitWear is something that is used as a reminder," Thomas said. "[Young people] need to have a bold message that says: 'Yes, this is what I've committed to and this is going to help me remember.'"

Thomas, a practicing evangelical Christian and never-married mother of three, vowed in 1999 to remain abstinent until marriage. However, sticking to her commitment has not always been easy, and much of the inspiration for WaitWear came from her personal struggle with keeping her vow.

"One day I woke up and realized: What type of example am I giving to my son? And I have to be an example," Thomas said. "I can't tell my son to abstain from sex if [I'm] not doing it [myself]."

Thomas is not alone in her effort to bring abstinence into the pop culture conversation. Reality TV queen and singing star Jessica Simpson was very public about her decision to remain a virgin until marriage, and more recently, youth-oriented television shows like "Gilmore Girls" and "Summerland" have featured characters who want to wait.

Moreover, chastity movements like True Love Waits, which urge to students sign pledge cards promising to abstain, have grown increasingly visible on American high school and college campuses over the last decade.

True Love Waits co-founder Jimmy Hester, 57, agrees with Thomas that wearing your heart on your sleeve — literally — can be a good way to support teens taking a vow of abstinence.

"One of the key parts of [successful abstinence education] is follow-up, support and encouragement," he said. "One of the ways that we've discovered in the past 11 years is to carry the message through a key part of the teens' culture: the music, the movies, the Internet and, of course, clothing."

But Lauren F. Winner, whose upcoming book "Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity" takes a candid look at remaining abstinent in modern times, is of two minds about the line.

"On the one hand, I think recognizing that our clothes tell stories about us and thinking intentionally about what stories we want to tell is wise and generally right on," said Winner, a 28-year-old evangelical Christian. "On the other hand, I think the relationship between advertising, consumerism and exploitative sexuality is insidious. I wonder if the WaitWear line cedes too much to a culture that wants to turn our very clothes and bodies into billboards and ads."

Winner also thinks we have to be more straightforward with kids about how hard it is to refrain from sex.

"I think we have to engage today's teens where they are and stop cloaking our chastity talk in euphemism. Teens today are edgy and cagey and are wise to spin," she said. "We have to be willing to speak honestly about the real challenges they may be facing in their attempts to live chastely."

Indeed, Littlefield, barely out of her teens herself, finds the WaitWear slogans "insulting."

"Apparently, teenagers can't be sold on any idea unless it comes with clever catchphrases on reasonably priced T-shirts," she said. "Since when is it acceptable to advertise your sexual status on your shirt? This is as distasteful as a girl showing up to school in an 'Open for Business' shirt."

But despite her critics, Thomas is working on a new line of WaitWear that extends beyond T-shirts and underwear. She won't reveal the details, but one thing is certain:

"It will be a positive message you can surround yourself with," she said.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Give it to me. Coming to a tabloid near you: "Entire Lesbian W. Class of 2005 Lands in Hospital After Drunken Graduation Orgy Binge."

In other news, community dinner is stupid.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Let go of this pride. I spent all Sunday hung over after Dyke Ball. Not all moments can be shining moments.

However, I don't think that warrants the Boston Herald and a load of other local news affiliates using us as front page fodder. "Lusty Lesbian Bash" my ass. Why can't you stupid, ignorant people deal with the fact that women do NOT need men to have a good time. I think it is disgusting that a party celebrating homosexuality which just so happens to take place at a reputable women's college needs so much media attention. Eleven students going to the hospital with alcohol poisoning is a Wednesday night at Syracuse University, 'aight? So don't give me any shit about how we're so depraved because I will seriously stomp on your balls. You and your misogyny are not welcome in my universe.

T: I love how they make sure to specify that EVIL GAY PEOPLE were involved
E: and now the administration is thinknig of banning all parties that have high alcohol related problems, which is such CRAP
T: well, they're going to ban the harvard-yale tailgate, too. we will have to send our children to college in an alternate universe where fun is permitted
E: why in the fuck are they just bending over for the media? no one can take it when women act like men
E: And W. women act like men: We drink, we fuck, we are ambitious, we are aggressive, and we're not going to make you a fucking sandwich
T: Just like how people hate it when gay men act like straight men
E: I say castration for everyone! Unic pride! Seriously, you're all so fucking threatened by a little girl-on-girl action, you don't deserve to own a penis. I'm sorry, you are not a man.

Friday, March 04, 2005

Party almost out of time. Like many of you, I hated 2004. It was the shittiest year in the history of my years. I was so excited to kick it in the butt and give it the finger, but now it seems that Drew has made an interesting discovery:

Way to go, China. Jeeeez.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

I'm gonna blow you away. YES! *pumps fist in air* Viva la revolution!