It was sure nice talking to you, dad. In case there was any leftover confusion as to why I am so very strange, here's another clue:

Me: See, you can talk to me about sports! you don't need a son :-P
Dad: Sigh. With a son I could have a few brewskies and go to a strip club after the game.
Me: I don't even want to think about that
Dad: I know. It's that male bondage thing.
Me: ew
Dad: I'll buy you a lap dance, next time we go together.
Me: *vomit*