Crown thy good with Sisterhood. For all these reasons, I can be proud to be an American, courtesy of Humpy:

Blessing #1: We're not French!
Blessing #2: American girls dig hot tubs!
Blessing #3: Beer is cheap and plentiful!
Blessing #4: We have a "free press" that mercilessly harasses celebrities like Tom Cruise and Britney Spears on a daily basis!
Blessing #5: Porn is cheap and plentiful!
Blessing #6: Jessica Alba!
Blessing #7: Though the justice system doesn't really work, it does work if you're Michael Jackson!
Blessing #8: Very dangerous fireworks!
Blessing #9: Freedom of religion and the freedom to laugh at other stupid religions, like Scientology!