This shit is bananas. I just completed a 15-page copy editing and proofreading test for Simon & Schuster. I spent a good part of my evening in the public library with a copy of the 15th edition of the Chicago Style Manual. I did all this because, even though other candidates had a week to do their test, I had less than 24 hours because she wants to make a decision quickly.

Why do I do this? The odds are firmly against them hiring me.

Here's the truth. I am not special. There are a million, flabby girls wearing trendy shoes who've just graduated from college and who want to go into publishing. They can either copy edit well or their parents help them with the test. Donning pearls and enthusiasm does not make me special. I am not a rare, skilled worker. I am not a sought-after commodity. I am not even an easily-replaceable cog in a wheel because the motherfucking wheel doesn't want me.

I am so tired of interviewing. I am tired of getting revved up and walking around in these attractive yet painful shoes to impress a bunch of people who really couldn't care less. I am tired of jumping when they say jump, of worrying and waiting and wanting only to hit another dead end. I am tired of sending out resumes which get lost in e-mail overflow. I am so fucking tired.

I am not saying all this because I legitimately think that I'm shit. I'm just tired of feeling so pointless and unimportant. Why am I fighting so fucking hard to break into a world which clearly doesn't want me?