You other brothers can't deny. As much as women may be obsessed with why men love breasts, male sex columnists are obsessed with writing about why men love breasts. There is not a year that goes by without some "Cosmo" or "Marie Clare" rag getting some "Average Joe" to write about why men love boobs. The answer is always the same: "Uh, we don't have them. And they feel really cool. And they're purrrrrty."

Nevertheless, the Lippy Imp has decided to weigh in on the subject. He says pretty much the same thing as every other "Average Joe," except with a really funny analogy about a penis located in the center of a man's chest. Or something.

You know what? Who cares why men love breasts?! Breasts are cool. Most of the time, I don't even notice mine are there, but I'm used to them. Frankly, I don't really care if a guy is breast-obsessed as long as he treats mine with respect and not like they're some novelty toy.

If women weren't educated to be so shy and repressed when it comes to our sexuality, the first time we saw a real, live penis, we'd probably poke and prod it and do similar things that uncouth adolescent boys do to boobs. Breasts are also more open to public consumption than penises are. Go into any art museum, and I guarantee you that the ratio of bare breast to bare dick is like a bajillion to one.

So whatever. Straight men love breasts. Fine. Do we really need to talk about it all day?