Hineh bah. This is not in the spirit of Yom Kippur, Israel! Didn't you learn anything from atoning? Akko is one of the only places where Jews and Arabs live in harmony. Can we please not ruin that? You make it really hard to be a Zionist when you do this kind of crap.

Watch me makeup my mind instead of my face. Yet more reasons to despise Palin and feel insulted by McCain's choice of her as running mate.

I think McCain thought that all us Clinton supporters would go "Oh man, she has a uterus! I'm voting for McCain now!" Did he honestly think we wouldn't find out about her politics? Or is she really just a sexy appeasement for the religious right?

Hit me with your best shot. Big news for Muslim women...maybe.

Apparently there's a new trend in hijab styling, with blogs and YouTube videos advising pious Muslim women on different means of styling their head scarves. To me, this indicates an emphasis on individualism and self-expression, which is definitely positive. However, Muslim women are still trying to individualize a symbol of patriarchy. Nevertheless, progress is progress.

Except when it's clearly not. Iraqi women are literally exploding through the glass ceiling as the newest recruits in al-Qaeda's army of suicide bombers. There have been 24 female suicide bombers since January, and I'm sure the numbers will continue to rise. Part of the woman bomber's appeal is that it is unacceptable for a man to perform a full-body search on a woman, and traditional robes are bulky enough to hide quite a stash of weaponry.

But perhaps the most insidious detail in this story is the means of recruitment. Al-Qaeda operatives marry and allow the wife to be dishonored in some way, such as allowing another man to rape her. Consequently, she must end her life to end the disgrace she has brought upon her family. I cannot even wrap my head around this one.

In every military conflict, women are cannon fodder. Except in this case, women have become the cannon.

She wants the luxury of her own life. I've blogged about this before, but since nobody listens to me, I'll try again.

Brandeis University released a new study, "Gender Imbalance in American Jewish Life," claiming that in non-Orthodox settings, "American Jewish boys and men have fewer connections to Jews and Judaism in almost every venue and in every age, from school-age children through the adult years....Contemporary liberal American Judaism, although supposedly egalitarian, is visibly and substantially feminized."

Feminized? Apparently the ladies are taking over! In the Reform movement, the largest Jewish religious movement in America, Women outnumber men in seminaries, youth groups, summer programs, and prayer services.

And you should be worried! The Brandeis study argues that "men's decreased interest in Jews and Judaism walks hand in hand with apathy toward creating Jewish households and raising Jewish children." No more Jewish babies! Because the women are taking over!

But fear not! Here come the men-only Brotherhoods, men-only barbecues, dare-devil birthright israel trips, and man-centric Passover Haggadahs. Because HaShem knows that the traditional Passover Hagaddah is really misandry run amok.

Personally, I think you can blame assimilation and the break down of the insular Jewish community for the alleged disappearance of men from the Jewish community. Ideal American manhood is not compatible with stereotypical of Jewish manhood. Who wants to be the nebbishy, wimpy Jewish Other when you can be the wealthy, handsome, sexy American Man who gets to fuck the hot shiksah (think Portnoy's Complaint here). Jewish men don't want to maintain a connection to Judaism, and because Judaism is passed down through the woman, marrying a non-Jew is the ultimate rejection of Judaism.

American Jewish women, on the other hand, are embracing their new and hard-won role in the Jewish community. Gone are the days when Jewish women could be cook and wet nurse but nothing more. American Jewish women don't have to sit behind a mehitzah anymore, and you can't make them!

Says Brandeis: "Some suggest that in the Western world, spirituality, especially in more liberal denominations, has become associated with femininity. Others believe that men are reluctant to join organizations unless they can play leadership roles, and with the entry of large numbers of women into synagogue life, there are fewer such opportunities for men."

The fact of the matter is that there is no inherent gender bias in Judaism. The second class citizenship of women in Judaism has everything to do with culture and nothing to do with religious prescription. Stop blaming women for your religious community not looking the way you want it to when, frankly, every sociologist with his (or her) PhD can tell you that women have always been the key sustainers of religious devotion in times of strife. The sooner men realize that women are not usurping their throne, the happier we'll all be.

Does that mean my body must always be a source of pain? While the image of First Lady as the pinnacle of American womanhood is nothing new, this re-packaging of Michelle Obama is really pissing me off. The Obama campaign is doing an image makeover on her to make sure she doesn't appear Like Hillary. She co-hosted "The View" and graced the cover of "Us Weekly" doing her best soccer mom impression. Says a friend:

"[Michelle] is not the least bit interested in being a co-president or participating in policy decisions…Her first priority as a first lady would be that the girls are OK, and to continue to be the outstanding mother that she is."

This would be nauseating without the article's headline of "Why Barak loves her." Why? Because she shops at Target, why else? You didn't think it had to do with her accomplishments, her intelligence, or her moxie, did you?

Of course, the campaign has to wrap her up in traditional gender roles precisely because of her talent. A smart, outspoken, accomplished woman is bad enough, but one who is not only African American but who actively embraces her heritage is downright frightening. Consequently, they "soften" her, "maternalize" her, and basically white-wash her. And I do mean "white." She's coming off as a regular June Cleaver with her pearls and her carpool.

In the context of this election cycle, this development is particularly upsetting. Democratic voters were given the option of the most accomplished black presidential candidate ever to campaign or the most accomplished woman presidential candidate ever to campaign. For better or worse, the black man won. But a truckload of sexism accompanies that progressive victory. If the progress of one group of people comes at the expense of another, is it really a success?

Come and whisper in my ear, give us dirty laundry. Today in Disgraced Politician (Celebrity) Sightings:

Eliot Spitzer in Central Park! With special guest star Silda Wall Spitzer! Oh man, was I sitting on a pylon at the right time. I guess Spitzer had just completed a run, and his wife had come to meet him in the park because he was in work out gear and she was dressed for a beach day at the Hamptons. They weren't touching (she actually had her hands in her pockets. Burn!), but they were deep in discussion. My goodness she is a waif, but a waif with style!

Flex our muscles show them we’re stronger than the rest. I don't know about you, but I love these peek-inside-the-Bush-administration tell-alls by ex-Bush cronies that keep coming out. They make me feel quite vindicated. Former Press Secretary Scott McClellan's is a real treat.

Doesn't this excerpt remind you of a certain Democratic golden boy we all know and love?

Ironically, much of Bush's campaign rhetoric (in 1999-2000) had been aimed at distancing himself from the excesses of Clinton's permanent campaign style of governing. The implicit meaning of Bush's words was that he would bring an end to the perpetual politicking and deep partisan divisions it created. Although Washington could not get enough of the permanent campaign, voters were seemingly eager to move beyond it.

Bush emphasized this sentiment during the campaign. He would "change the tone in Washington." He would be "a uniter, not a divider." He would "restore honor and dignity to the White House." He would govern based on what was right, not what the polls said. He would, in short, replace the cynicism of the 1990s with a new era of civility, decency, and hope.

Yes, we can!

Give my regards to Broadway. Today in Celebrity Sightings, Broadway Edition:

A two-day spotting. Everyone's using mass transit in the rain, even the Broadway babies.

First off, Andrea Martin of Hedwig and the Angry Inch and "He was...MY BOYFRIEND!" fame, walking through Grand Central. Everyone is so tiny in person, but she had a great head of hair. Those were some gorgeous highlights, let me tell you.

Second, while waiting for the subway at 34th Street, whom did I spy but Richard Kind. You may remember him from "Mad About You" and "Sin City." He's also appeared in a few Broadway shows, notably "The Producers" and "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels." This is the second time I've seen him wandering around midtown. My goodness the man is pale.

Where's your head at. Seriously, Bush Administration. Tax rebates just ain't gonna cut it.


see more hipster robot webcomics and pixel t-shirts

Like sex on the beaches. How the heck did I miss this? A day celebrating two of my favorite things, and I wasn't paying attention! I guess I have to wait until next year. Boo. I hate waiting.

Link NSFW

If I'm to run the future, you've got to let the old world go. Women in the United States consider the fact 16% of Congress is female (11% less than female representation in the Afghan parliament) proof that we have achieved gender equity? We really are a bunch of stupid, complacent bitches in that case. If you need Hillary Clinton's campaign to remind you that sexism still exists in this country, I don't think we can be friends.

Wake up, ladies! Women outnumber men in the Spanish cabinet 9 to 8, and Spain's defense minister is seven months pregnant. You're still patting yourselves on the back because a measly 16% of Congressional representation is female? Women make up over half the population of this country. Gender equity my ass.

Start talking trash and I'll come with my Smith & Wesson. I always knew that Facebook was a threat to morality, but it turns out it's also a threat to national security.

Online networking. Don't play that game.

I'm coming slow but speeding. I must be pretty desperate if I get excited every time I come across a tidbit where some hard line Christian zealot takes a moderate--or, gasp, even liberal--stance on a hot-button issue. But I think this Newsweek article is actually promising:

[Kansan megachurch pastor Adam] Hamilton wants pro-choice and pro-life advocates to join forces to reduce the number of abortions and he enumerates seven areas where they could find common ground. Let both sides agree that adequate information about birth control can help prevent pregnancy, he says. And let both sides agree that the longer a pregnancy progresses, the more morally problematic an abortion becomes.

I agree! I happily agree! Let's do this!

Then, of course, I find out that my tribesmen are joining the hard line Christian zealot stance on a hot-button issue, and I get all depressed again. A pro-abstinence website for Jewish teens claiming condoms don't work? For shame, Orthodox Union, for shame.

Don't cut out my paper heart. Two things got me through first semester of my senior year of college: My friend Ike (Hi, Ike!) and Stone Temple Pilots. I think I was too young and oblivious in the early '90s to realize that STP got a lot of flack for not being as cool as Nirvana and Pearl Jam, but Scott Weiland's howling on "Tripping on a Whole in a Paper Cup" really made me feel better when I was down. It's sort of a odd choice for comfort, but it worked for me.

I just read a fabulous piece about the enduring awesomeness of STP, and I had to share it with you. Steve Hyden doesn't mention this, but the video for "Sour Girl," in my opinion, is really powerful. Weiland's eyes at sunrise? Swoon! Also, that song scares the crap out of me. But that's another story.

In my Barbie world. Ugh, I think part of me just died after reading this. Read up to the third paragraph on the first page, and you'll see why.

Have we as a society learned nothing from JonBenet Ramsey? Let your children be children, you freaks!

What you wish for won't come true. For the record, my quarterlife crisis won me a scholarship. Booyah!

Other people aren't so lucky.

In her kiss, I taste the revolution. I don't usually like to bestow more attention on these sorts of hate-mongers than is absolutely necessary, but this recent Rush Limbaugh ramble is absolutely priceless:

"You have to understand the mindset of a lot of these feminists and women...These women have paid their dues. They've been married two or three times; they've had two or three abortions; they've done everything that feminism asked them to do. They have cut men out of their lives; they have devoted themselves to causes and careers. And this — the candidacy of Hillary Clinton — is the culmination of all of these women's efforts."

I can't even be bothered to criticize this. It's just too damn funny.

Jezebel gives an equally good ramble in response, citing their "audacious hope that, one day, we can get past this silly paradigm you created in your head when some feminist didn't want to sleep with you because she had 'cut men out of her life.'" It's a little too easy to say that men hate feminists because feminists won't sleep with them, but wouldn't it be fantastic if that's all it was about? All you had to do was go back in time and get Susan B. Anthony to marry that random dude she rejected and Voila! Women would have gotten the vote 40 years earlier (We can't blame Elizabeth Cady Stanton for this because she was married. Also, I'm pretty sure she did not have two or three abortions).

I was a long time coming. It's my blog's five year anniversary!

Talk about committment. Jeez.

I haven't decided yet how I want to "celebrate," so check back here for updates on this "momentous" occasion.

That just my baby daddy. You don't get a lot of marriage advocacy going on these days outside of the Religious Right, but here's a controversial suggestion from Emily Yoffe: Get married, then have babies. Wow!

The rate of out-of-wedlock births among women 23 to 29 is now higher than the teen pregnancy rate. Yoffe argues that women who find themselves pregnant and don't marry the father are putting themselves and their children at a disadvantage both economically and psychologically. Part of what contributes to this problem is the lack of foresight and committment displayed by both men and women. Some of it is a class issue: College-educated men and women are significantly less likely to get divorced than their high school-educated peers.

I would take this a step further and say that a big part of this problem is that people do not use contraception. Whether it's because of a lack of affordable and available family planning services, lack of proper sex education, or discouragment from their social and religious communities, women aren't choosing to protect themselves. Consequently, the rate of unplanned pregnancies among poor women rose 44% from 1994 to 2001.

The problem isn't that people aren't getting married. The problem is that people won't buy condoms. Honestly, I know they're not so comfortable, but it's so much cheaper to buy a bunch of condoms than to raise a kid.

It's freezing in the corner of my mind. There's been a lot of man-hating going on in the wake of the Spitzer scandal. It seems like every woman who writes a blog or talks to you at the gym has used this as an opportunity to spew some serious anti-man vitriol. Really, I think that the Spitzer scandal is just a catalyst for releasing women's pent-up romantic anger. Of course, women are also upset because the governor of New York committed a crime and everything that entails, but there's a personal level to it as well.

To speak in generalities, I think that women look at Silda Spitzer and see themselves in past relationships: They were deceived, mistreated, taken for granted, and in some cases cheated on while they stood by being loving and supportive. Case in point: Silda is a phenomenally talented and beautiful woman, and her husband chose to fuck uneducated whores from New Jersey. To most women, this simply does not make sense. Most talented women who have been treated like doormats by men find their lovers' actions incomprehensible, and Spitzer's decisions are no exception. Modern women posses all the characteristics that are socially valued in men--intelligence, education, ambition, earning potential--as well as the feminine virtues of beauty and warmth, AND YET this sort of shit happens.

I do think that men are the problem. Most of the women I know have managed to find a balance between the masculine and feminine virtues, yet men seem more laddish than ever. You can say that our society is hopelessly Puritanical, and that's why Spitzer's shenanigans are being so derided, but I disagree. I think that women simply refuse to accept this sort of behavior anymore and are more vocal about their shock and disgust. Or maybe women simply haven't learned to accept that men are callous and selfish creatures who will always disappoint them and treat them like trash.

Here's where you go wrong, boys. It's time to grow up.

They don't know it but I'm here to stay. In your face, crappy Lilith article! According to a new Elle/msnbc.com study (my college mentor helped with the research. Pride!), men don't care if their wives make more money. In fact, just 12 percent of men surveyed said they'd mind if their wife earned more than they do, and in general men seemed happy to share the breadwinner role. Furthermore, of the approximately 75 percent of men whose wives did work, only 5 percent wished she was at home because they are "irritated by a wife who is frequently bored or boring."

Huzzah for womanity! I feel there is hope for us smart, ambitious ladies afterall!

Waste me. The Guardian has a really interesting/disturbing commentary about "misogyny psychosis"--the violent, psychopathic hatred of women. Apparently Britain's been experiencing a rash of vomit-inducing violent crimes against women. This goes beyond domestic violence or rape. This is scary Jack the Ripper shit. Even more disturbing and upsetting than the individual acts of violence is the fact that friends, co-workers, lovers, even the police, knew what these guys were up to and did NOTHING. Makes you want to enact that Good Samaritan law from the last episode of "Seinfeld," doesn't it?

Who needs a drink?

Now that the love is gone. Do guys really talk like this? And if so, why haven't I met any who do?

She didn't want to, he had his way. Let's all give Israel a hearty round of applause. You let your president get away with rape. Good for you, Israeli government. Have cigar.

I spent a lot of time and energy while in Israel working with the organizations trying to combat this disgusting plea bargain, so I'm especially angry. Thankfully, I'm not alone in that.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, I'll spell it out for you: Imagine that George Bush raped his secretary while president, plus a few other women while he was governor of Texas. They can't prove that he raped the other women, but they have a really good case against him about his secretary. However, under the law, while president, Bush cannot be charged with any criminal action. So he sits around the White House greeting foreign dignitaries and living off your tax dollars in the lap of luxury while Congress debates whether or not he should be impeached; they decide against this. Eventually, Bush resigns and charges in the rape case are brought against him. Meanwhile, the secretary is being subjected to the most disgusting, brutal, and insulting investigation imaginable, being forced to answer questions right down to the minute detail of her sexual proclivities. The Attorney General decides to plea bargain the case, and all Bush has to do is admit that he acted inappropriately and probably committed a few acts of sexual harassment. He will serve no jail time, and he still gets to keep his personal driver and assistant and probably his security detail (paid for with your tax dollars, of course), but he has to give up his pension (they have socialized health care in Israel, so we'll take that out of the equation). The country attends protest rallies in record numbers, and the Supreme Court weighs in on the validity of the plea bargain. In the end, Bush gets away with it and all he has to do is pay his secretary $14,000.

If you do not think this is a complete abomination, you have no soul.

Candelabra's lighted. All my misanthropy and disillusionment neatly and articulately presented, courtesy of Ms. Austen:

"There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and everyday confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense."
-Pride & Prejudice, Volume 2, Chapter 1

It is amazing how little human nature changes. I've finally gotten around to reading Emma, and though the circumstances and social conventions are different, the reactions, motivations, and emotions exhibited by the central characters are completely relatable. You'd hope that human beings would have matured by now, but apparently not. Instead, we've just gotten rid of all the social graces and made the subtext the text. In other words, you can say any disgusting thing you want to anyone, especially on the Internet, and you won't be shunned from polite society because polite society no longer exists (no matter what "Vogue" or "New York" or the British aristocracy would have you believe). I'm glad I am not required to wear a corset, but does that mean we all have to talk like sailors?

Gotta find me somebody. Yet more thoughts on this whole wacky world of dating. Salad bars are the way to go. Apparently you can win friends with salad.

Ever wonder what it'd be like if the men of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" had online dating profiles? Me neither, but thank goodness someone did.

Endless tears, forever joy. This video changed my life:



J'étais dans l'apart de Raoul et Sandro, et j'ai entendu cette chanson qui chant mon âme. Dans ce moment, j'ai compris que je ne suis pas de tout seule dans la douleur de coeur et le désir pour quelque chose non réalisé. Et, peux en peux, je me suis senti mieux.

It takes a strong man to stand by a strong woman. This season's Lilith has an interesting/frightening report on online dating and the single Jewish woman. Basically, men don't want serious relationships until they're in their 30s, which is when they start trying to pick up 20-something women. But women in their 20s are too focused on their careers to notice, so Jewish women don't get married. Yay! I have to say, on some level, this article is a complete condemnation of Jewish women. It paints us as hopelessly self-involved and uneducated about how to successfully form and nurture romantic attachments. There is a slight mention that men also contribute to the marriage shortage because the Internet allows them to stay single indefinitely (Why settle down when there's a whole catalogue of women to pursue?), but mostly the blame is placed on women not knowing what they want or how to go about getting it.

I think this may be an accurate portrayal of some women (I actually know middle-aged women who are like this); there are women who stay stuck in the same dead-end patterns of finding a mate because they focus on superficial details instead of substantive qualities. But the part of this that scares me is the hopelessness of the situation. For example, according to the article, men don't like women who are smarter or more ambitious and/or successful than they are. Great. As a highly-educated, ambitious woman, what am I supposed to do? Have a lobotomy? Not go to graduate school? Why is it always incumbent upon women to change--to dumb themselves down or sex themselves up--so as not to threaten the oh-so-delicate menfolk?

The article does make a good point: Women spend too much time in unpromising situations (I, for one, am extremely guilty of this). Women (and men) also tend to value the appearance of a relationship--What is his career? How much does he make?--and not how the relationship feels or how you interact. But I can't get over of the terrifying thought that, even if you don't care about these sorts of things, you're still doomed because men are babies. What's a girl to do, aside from date 30 year-olds?

Alright Internet, here's my list of adjectives (in no particular order) which, when strung together, hopefully describe an actual person: Practicing Jew, college-educated, stable, laid-back, communicative, understanding, good listener, non-smoker, driven, kind, funny, smart, patient, attentive, affectionate, self-confident, self-aware, engaging, feminist a huge plus. I don't care about career or income or taste in music or how close he is with his family or any of that malarkey, though I probably wouldn't have the patience to date an actor or a model. If it's not too much to ask, I'd also like it if he was at least 5'10", had a full head of dark hair, and a beard (I really like beards). And since I'm fantasizing anyway, I request Matthew Macfadyen as Mr. Darcy, but Jewish.

Spins a web, any size. Who knew that Spider-man was such a sex-positive, Planned Parenthood enthusiast? Marvel would be castrated for doing something like that now.

Sunny day. Cutest thing EVER!!!! Squeal!

Bow to his daughter-in-law elect. Aw, you guys! I want one!

You want one true lover with a thousand kisses. Happy V-day, all! Does any holiday provoke as much angst as Valentine's Day? All that anxiety about finding a mate or pleasing your current mate, and the disappointment when none of it works out, can make you want to hide under your bed with a Whitman's Sampler and wait for it all to go away. Apparently, this is when people are at their most aggressive when trying to find a mate/date/one-night stand. No one wants to be alone on Valentine's Day. Except me; I really don't care. Why? Because I would rather be single on V-day than desperately trying to wrangle a date or convince my beau to romance me. Fuck it, I'll take the Whitman's Sampler and a good book over that kind of stress, thanks very much.

Also, I'm glad I'm not tangling with this type of bullshit. So funny! So pathetic! Hurrah for St. Valentine!

White teeth are uglier than yellow teeth. It's amazing that our health care system has reduced us to "medical tourism." Inexplicably, it is cheaper to fly to Hungary or Costa Rica for dental procedures than to go around the corner. Either American dentists charge outrageous prices, or the economy and health care industry are in worse shape than anyone wants to admit. Either way, this is shameful, even if it is an impressive display of multi-tasking.

Happier now than I’ve been in the past. I don't usually commend Newsweek, but this is a fantastic, compelling article about the happiness-at-all-costs movement. As someone who tends to have melancholic nature and has received a lifetime's worth of flak for it, I think that this article speaks to many things I have experienced in my own life. When I'm at my most euphoric, I often make my worst mistakes. But even though my sadness is trenchant, I know it isn't permanent. I could babble on, but I won't. Just read the article.

We're not the ones who're meant to follow. Happy Super Tuesday, everyone! There's a great interview with a candidate you didn't even know was running for president on Jezebel today. Mike Gravel is too much of an idealist for me, but everything he says about women's rights and LGBT issues is right on. He also makes a fantastic point for all you power-mongers out there:

If you vote for power over substance, then you won't ever get either. You've got to vote for substance regardless of who you think will win, because you'll see that substance will win out in the end.

For those of you who have yet to vote and don't feel like slogging through months worth of press coverage, make an educated decision with the League of Women Voter's nonpartisan primary guide.

Get the full primary scorecard here.

And remember, you lose your right to complain if you don't vote!

If you had no money I'd give you my last dime. I realize that probably no one cares about this, but it's my blog so ha! I just found out that That Dog, the best band you've never heard of, made a video for "Never Say Never" many moons ago. Holy crap! This is what happens when you grow up without MTV--you miss everything. Check it out. It's such a hypercolor blast from the past.

What it feels like for a girl. Man oh man, Super Tuesday is gonna be one hell of a nailbiter. I offer you some very exciting words for the future of the country and the Democratic Party courtesy of Hillary Clinton (And read this article for some great commentary):

"I would, with all due respect, say that the United States government is much more than a business," Clinton began. "It is a trust. It is the most complicated organization, but it is not out to make a profit. It is out to help the American people. It is about (what we do) to stand up for our values and to do what we should at home and around the world to keep faith with who we are as a country. With all due respect, we have a president who basically ran as the 'CEO/MBA President' and look what we got! I am not too happy about the results."

The most amazing thing about all of this, I think, is that people are really taking her seriously. There has never been a female candidate for president than anyone was willing to pay attention to. In fact, there has never been a female candidate or a minority candidate that anyone was willing to pay attention to. Yet here we have two non-traditional presidential candidates who are not only attractive candidates in their own right, but they beat out the white guy to boot. For the most part, people are paying attention to the mssage and not the stereotypes and really conflicted about who will make the better president. How remarkable that two underdogs can come out on top.

This is such an exciting time!

Now I know how Joan of Arc felt. Please Lord, don't let this happen again. Please. Haven't we suffered enough?

If you were suspicious, all that shit is ficticious. I don't know where I've been lately, but I've missed way too many offensive pop culture trends. Usually I'm the first one to pick up on these things, but it seems I am hopelessly behind the times.

Apparently there is a lot of hating on Jewish women going on that I simply haven't been paying attention to. Jezebel provides a comprehensive rant about the fetishization of Jewish Men and points out that their sexy female counterparts get no love. Word, people. Why do we hold on to that self-hating, spread-by-Philip Roth, nagging Jewish mother stereotype or that money-spending, frigid JAP stereotype? And why is it that the only nice thing Jewish men can say about us is that we give good head? Find a new theme!

To put it generally, as Judaism is passed through the mother, Jewish women tie men to the religion and the culture. As Jewishness is often seen as indicative of weakness, untrustworthiness, impotence, and unattractiveness in Western society, Jewish men must denegrate their female counterparts in order to thrive. Considering that the main tenant of Judaism is to marry another Jew and have lots of tiny Jewish babies, if you don't marry a Jewish woman, you're rejecting your Jewishness. I realize this is a controversial statement, and I'm not attacking Jewish men who date non-Jews. I'm pointing out that the subtext of anti-Jewish women propaganda is, in essence, a denegration of Judaism itself. This Boston Globe op-ed says the same thing with a lot less theoretical mumbo-jumbo.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I refuse to be valued solely on the merits of deep-throating. I refuse to be defined by some archaic, anti-Semitic, misogynistic, self-hating stereotype designed simply so that Jewish men can fuck shiksas and not feel bad about it. Unlike some people, I do not suffer from an identity crisis.

You can see me, you can squeeze me. Things have been so serious lately on TL Live! what with rampant misogyny and presidential primaries and Jake Ryan that I thought I would bring some levity to your life by alerting you to this little gem. Not only does it poke fun at men's magazines, but it also reveals all the secrets of LadyTown. Me and my mythical fallopian tubes are still chuckling.

Hush little baby, don't say a word. Holy crap, y'all. I need to take a nap after this scathing review of the year of the "Abortion-Not." I've tried to ignore this trend towards yay pregnancy! in recent films partially because these movies would have no plot without pregnancy, but also because I generally think Hollywood is stupid and banal. I do not rely on Hollywood to offer me intelligent social critiques. Shocking, I know. But there's been so much uproar lately that I guess I'll have to get off my high horse and pay attention:

There can be no female agency in Knocked Up, Waitress, and Juno—not because they are comedies, but because, in each scenario, unwanted pregnancy is the joke played (by God?) on the female lead. As the most successful of the preg protags, she who is Knocked Up is necessarily the most smacked down—the glass ceiling turns out to be Alison's own uterus. Jenna and Juno are less formidable, but unexpected fertility mocks their dreams of autonomy. All three are taught their place by their own bodies—and what's more, they learn to like it.

The Village Voice just punched me in the face.

I don't care if you really care as long as you don't go. Yay! Another reason why dating is so perilous! As someone who is not so good at saying "Next," I can relate. Any of my friends will tell you that I accept way too much bad behavior as worth the price of admission. Though, I must admit, it scares me a bit that you can get dumped for no more legitimate reason than your basic existence irritating your partner. It makes me feel entirely awkward and destructively self-reflective. Boo. That said, I'm still having a blast.

Also, if you liked that article, may I recommend Jezebel's truly fantastic and hilarious series Crap Email from a Dude, in which real ladies send in real emails from real douchebags. The idea is that, contrary to social stereotypes, women aren't the only crazies out there because voila le bullshit from the mens.

So happy to be single, people!

I'll be always falling. Thanks to the Daily Intelligencer, I have stumbled upon the most hilarious and most upsetting article ever written about a pop culture phenomenon I didn't know about. Apparently I have been immune to Jake Ryan worship all these years, and I had no idea that there were so many women out there pining over this (For those of you who don't remember Jake, here's a nice YouTube tribute for you). Ladies, let's be honest: Jake Ryan doesn't have much of a personality. I agree that he's extremely kind and considerate, but my goodness is he wooden. What would you talk to him about besides beer, gym class, or his porsche? This is why I also don't agree with the Daily Intel's take on Dan Humphrey as the new Jake Ryan because Dan Humphrey, while also extremely kind and considerate, is so fucking self-righteous and faux-superior that I want to smack him off his high horse every time he opens his mouth.

Then again, I never was the girl fantasizing about prince charming. So, I leave it to all of you to pine and moon, and I'll be the cynic at the back of the bar.

Will there always be concerts where women are raped? If the New York Times is trying to get into my pants, it's working. In addition to the previously-cited article about male narcissism, there's Bob Herbert's fantastic op-ed about the detrimental effects of the nation's love affair with misogyny.

Say what you will about Hillary Clinton's campaign, but you've got to admit that all this discussion about gender in America is absolutely priceless and long overdue. Even if the only thing her candidacy accomplishes is hearty debate, I'll still be grateful.

Do you believe there's anything beyond troll-guy reality? Thanks, New York Times! Can we have more articles that deconstruct the selfish, heinous, inexplicably socially acceptable things men do? Pretty please with sugar on top?!

I am matching the big boys one for one. In this New York Times op-ed, Gloria Steinam explains what I've been saying about the Obama-Clinton struggle this entire campaign season, only much more articulately. To wit:

I’m supporting Senator Clinton because like Senator Obama she has community organizing experience, but she also has more years in the Senate, an unprecedented eight years of on-the-job training in the White House, no masculinity to prove, the potential to tap a huge reservoir of this country’s talent by her example, and now even the courage to break the no-tears rule. I’m not opposing Mr. Obama; if he’s the nominee, I’ll volunteer....

But what worries me is that he is seen as unifying by his race while she is seen as divisive by her sex.

What worries me is that she is accused of “playing the gender card” when citing the old boys’ club, while he is seen as unifying by citing civil rights confrontations.

What worries me is that male Iowa voters were seen as gender-free when supporting their own, while female voters were seen as biased if they did and disloyal if they didn’t.

What worries me is that reporters ignore Mr. Obama’s dependence on the old — for instance, the frequent campaign comparisons to John F. Kennedy — while not challenging the slander that her progressive policies are part of the Washington status quo.

What worries me is that some women, perhaps especially younger ones, hope to deny or escape the sexual caste system; thus Iowa women over 50 and 60, who disproportionately supported Senator Clinton, proved once again that women are the one group that grows more radical with age.

This country can no longer afford to choose our leaders from a talent pool limited by sex, race, money, powerful fathers and paper degrees. It’s time to take equal pride in breaking all the barriers. We have to be able to say: “I’m supporting her because she’ll be a great president and because she’s a woman.”

Sing it!

The teddy bears have their picnic. Holy crap, pandas!

Make them boys go crazy. Happy Caucus Day, everyone! Here's a funny little snippet from a New York Times article about the plethora of attractive Democratic candidates:

Instead of the usual voter complaints about choosing among unattractive options, there are meditative conversations about Senator Barack Obama’s freshness versus Gov. Bill Richardson’s international résumé versus John Edwards’s commitment to the underprivileged versus the historic prospect of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton’s becoming the first female president.

That's the only good thing they can think to say about Clinton? That's all she's got, a uterus? Really?! Apparently there's no historic significance in the prospect of Obama's becoming the first black president. He has a penis, so therefore we can talk about other issues.